Sunday, September 7, 2014

Never, never, never give up.

I don't blog much anymore, nor do I read many weight loss blogs much anymore.  It's been a weird few months since my last post in April where I was so happy to be at my lowest adult weight (then: 215.8).  It's been 5 months since that post and, happily, I hit another milestone today - 203 pounds puts me, for the first time in my adult life, in the "overweight" BMI category.  I've been "obese," to some degree, for my entire adult life.  And while I'm now only a few pounds from the mythical onederland I hear so much about, I feel that it will take another several weeks to get there.

The magical phase of weight loss that happens in the first year following weight loss surgery is certainly over.  Having been sleeved in early June 2013, the ride quickly slowed to a crawl in the Spring of 2014.  Heck, I've really only lost almost 13 pounds in five months.  Why?

I still (mostly) try to focus on a higher protein, lower carb diet.  I still don't work out.  At all - never have.  (Note: Yes, maybe I should start a routine a see if that helps move the scale a little faster...)  Despite not losing much in the last few months, I'm still shrinking out of all of the clothes I own and having to buy new stuff (Goodwill, thanks!) every couple of weeks just to be presentable at work.  Clearly?  My body continues to "shift" into my new, lower weight.

But...I'm not at goal.  My body will hit "normal" on the BMI scale at 169 (34 pounds from now), although my body's frame may actually look healthy around 180 (23 pounds from now).  23 and 34 pounds don't sound like much weight - so why am I still seeing all of the fat on my body, literally?  While I am amazed at how much smaller I look in pictures and mirrors, I face reality when I look in the mirror.  I still have rolls and fat (not just loose skin) that seem to be much more than 23 or 34 pounds worth.  Although I'm looking smaller, and wearing smaller clothing, I just don't feel that the scale is right.  What I perceive in the mirror?  Is someone who is at least 50-60 pounds from goal.

Do I just have a skewed perception of what being "only" 23-34 pounds overweight looks like?  Do all "overweight" people look like me?  I had a friend ask me recently if I just don't see what everyone else sees - I guess I don't.  Part of it is not owning clothes that fit correctly (it is sad donating 80% of your closet and being left with a few articles of clothing, yet not wanting to buy much because you fear you'll shrink into the next size quickly...thus wasting more money), part of it is that the reality I see is different than the reality of what others see.  Why do we do this?  Why is it so hard for weight loss patients to see themselves as a former fat girl?  Yes, I'm still overweight...but, heck, 69% of adults age 20 years and over are (according to http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm) - and that includes the 35% who are in the "obese" category.  I see pictures of other weight loss surgery patients who are at goal and/or maintaining...I look nothing like them.  Does 23-34 pounds really make that much of a difference?!

When did YOUR perception change?  Has it?  Will it ever?  What steps did you take to align your head with your new body?