Friday, July 26, 2013

Guilt.

I shot out of the surgery gate on FIRE - not literally, but was quite pleased with my ability to get all of my required protein and fluids each day early into my post-op recovery.  I'm now 7 weeks post-op today and, although I've progressed through all of the post-op diet stages and am now on full foods, my drive and commitment has temporarily vanished.

We're moving in 5 days, primarily to eliminate the insane commute I've had for the last six months.  In those 5 days we have to drive 800 miles round trip (tomorrow) to take my boyfriend's daughters back to their mother, pack the majority of our house on Sunday (we've done little packing at this point), then I have to attend 2 of 3 days of a conference 90 miles from home on Monday and Tuesday.  Stress?  Yeah.  I'm there.

My belief is that the stress of the move combined with the seemingly endless commute, the tough couple of weeks at work, etc. are what has been my "derailment" over the past couple of weeks.  I'm not getting my protein in.  I'm not getting my fluids in.  I'm not eating the level of calories I've been at (primarily because I either choose protein or nothing at all).  I've not been sleeping well...and I have no idea why because I'm literally exhausted and my energy stores are seriously depleted.  I have bags under my eyes when I get home from work each night.  The acid reflux that is common with sleeve patients is a constant battle now - despite the fact that I took a 14-day regimen of Prevacid to eliminate it (Prilosec is now calling my name).

Weight loss?  It's been slow and steady, regardless of my above issues.  I'm now 1.2 pounds away from having lost 25% of my excess weight...and I have yet to start any kind of exercise regimen.

I think my nonchalance came in the few days preceding the 6 week post-op mark.  On that day, I transitioned to "normal diet"...and I'm having a hard time prioritizing me in the midst of everything else going on right now.  And?  I feel guilty about that.

5 days until the move.  I'm one who likes to unpack and "settle" immediately, and I've taken 3 days off of work to do so (in addition to the 2 weekend days that follow).  Once the move is done?  It's back to me.  Workout will become regular (2+ hours back into my day thanks to the commute elimination!).  I see my doctor again on August 1 and will discuss my disgust with the chewable vitamins I've not been eating because they're too bitter for me (although, they don't make me vomit - so they're better than the first ones I used!).  I'll also discuss my reflux and ask for clearer direction on the macronutrient requirements and calories I'm expected to consume.

I don't want to just lose weight with my sleeve.  I want to be healthy.  It will happen...just give me 5 days to eliminate the guilt.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Hello 270's!

My weight fluctuated so much in 2012 that I'm honestly not sure when I was last in the 270s.  Yesterday, however, on my 6-week post-op weigh in, I was 279!  I know that when I was pre-op for LapBand removal in March of this year, I was in the 280's, so it's probably been at least since 2012 that I've been this "small."  I'll take it!

I read somewhere recently that gastric sleeve patients are expected to lose 30% of their excess weight in the first 3 months post-op.  For me, that means I've got about 6 weeks left to lose 10.6 pounds - that's totally doable!  I'm looking forward to hitting 275 in the coming week or two so that I can claim "25% of my excess weight lost."  In all honesty, though, just hitting the 270's was celebratory enough for me!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

10 Things Thursday (a day early)...

I'm in the mood to blog tonight, although I don't have a particular topic upon which to focus.  As such, I began reading through some of the blogs I follow and it hit me - AHHH!  It's 10 Things Thursday tomorrow!!  So, here are my ten things - just a couple of hours short of Thursday. :)

1. I will be 5 weeks post-op on Friday from my sleeve gastrectomy and I'm down 28 pounds as of this morning - that includes the 10 pounds lost in the 10-day pre-op diet.  My head is battling a lot with itself as I continue to do what I'm supposed to do, yet not seeing the numbers I'd really love to see on the scale.  I'm hoping that by the time Friday rolls around (the official weigh-in day for my little trackin' sheet), I'll have hit a 30 pound loss.  That number just sounds good.  Beyond that?  The next "goal" on my checklist is 36 pounds - that's 25% of my excess weight loss!  Lessssgo scale!

2. I continue to read a lot on the sleeve forums - sometimes answering questions I didn't know I had yet.  But, more often than not, I'm absolutely dumbfounded by the questions people are asking to the general internet world immediately post-op about what foods they can have, pain they're experiencing (not mild pain either), etc.  CALL YOUR DOCTOR.  WHY didn't you know the post-op diet recommended by your doctor for recovery?  WHY are you trying to get advice from a plethora of people who all have different recommendations from THEIR doctor?  Clearly, some people were not meant to go through weight loss surgery...and, unfortunately, I feel that some may literally "bust a gut" while they try to ingest a ribeye when they're a few days post-op and "need some real food."  Effin' idiots.


3. Through the same forums, I met a "sleeve sister" who was sleeved just a few days after me in a town where I'm moving to (see #4) - we met "IRL" (yes, I'm totally down with the cool kids) last night at Color Me Mine.  It was my first time there - since painting is not a strength of mine, yet my need for perfection IS...it was extremely frustrating.  However, the conversation was fun and I'm excited to have a future gym buddy and friend in my new community!


4. Boyfriend and I signed the lease to our new home on Sunday - we move in August 1!  In just 3 weeks, we'll be in a hotel at this time, having loaded up our current house and handed over the keys.  In short?  My 3+ hour commute each day is quickly coming to an END!  


5. And?  My new house has a private hot tub on the 1st floor deck.


6. And?  My new house is a 3-story townhome (never lived in one of those) with laundry on the 1st floor and my bedroom on the 3rd floor...who needs a gym when you get to have that type of exercise in your life?


7. I'm still not convinced of why people choose to live on the East Coast.  I haven't been able to wear a sundress and flip flops YET - and "doing" my hair is the bane of my existence already...no point with this constant rain and humidity!  Ugh.


8. I transitioned to "soft foods" this past weekend and am loving the restriction I have!  I'm eating 70+ grams of protein per day and focusing on keeping my calorie count below 1,000 per day.  And I'm not hungry.  THIS is what I wanted from the LapBand (but never got) - and THIS is why I'm now sleeved.


9. Work is incredibly slow right now.  Working in the public education field in the summer, when your colleagues and bosses are taking vacation, means that there ain't a whole lot going on.  My vacation was spent on my surgery in June and I've got a few days off to move.  Wooo...don't be jealous of mah summer adventures!


10. Boyfriend and I will be picking up his 2 daughters on Sunday so that they can spend a couple of weeks with us - fun!  Although I have to work and commute, I'm hoping we can squeeze in some fun time on the weekends...when we're not packing up the house.


Ta da!  I hope you all have a fantabulous end to your week!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Freedom from Obesity

Today is a day of celebration in the United States, as we celebrate freedom and independence...my celebration is a different one, with tomorrow being 4 weeks since my Gastric Sleeve surgery.  Truth be told, the boyfriend and I aren't fans of large crowds, heat, traffic, waiting, etc. - living in the D.C. metro area means that we're staying indoors and watching fireworks on TV this year!  (Although, we plan to take one of the D.C. boat cruises next year to watch the fireworks from there!)

Instead?  I'm celebrating my freedom from obesity - because I will not be "obese" by the time 'Merica's next birthday comes around.

My weight has been stalled for quite awhile now and my brain is having a REALLY hard time with that.  I thought I had broken the stall last week when the scale went down, but it sharply went back up and I've been hovering between the same 2 pounds for what feels like eons.  Despite doing everything I'm supposed to do nutritionally, I hadn't begun any sort of working out - I was using the "not consuming enough calories to work out" excuse.  Today?  I decided to jump onto the treadmill I own and never use.  After telling the 'mill I wanted to do the "Weight Loss 1" workout, which incorporates the dumbbells it came with and lasts for 30 minutes, I popped my ear buds in and started to jam to tunes, feeling good about getting into my groove.

Around minute 14, after adjusting to automated and rising inclines and speeds, my vision went blurry and I started to get dizzy.  I decided to push through to the 15 minute mark and stopped.

Thought you were healed enough to work out?!  Think again!! 

Although it will take months to heal my stomach (not even on solid foods yet!), my head knows that my body will need time to adjust to any intense workout.  I still feel somewhat like an epic fail for not completing the 30 minutes I set out to do, but, if nothing else, I've learned over the last 4 weeks to listen to my body.  I feel good about what I'm putting into my body, and I have to respect when my body is done with it's first post-op workout after 15 minutes.

So, here I sit with my 2nd protein shake of the day, happily sipping to restore some calories and fluids into my body.  No hot dogs, BBQ or beer for me this year...but it is truly a day of celebration as I continue to work on my freedom from obesity!