Friday, July 26, 2013

Guilt.

I shot out of the surgery gate on FIRE - not literally, but was quite pleased with my ability to get all of my required protein and fluids each day early into my post-op recovery.  I'm now 7 weeks post-op today and, although I've progressed through all of the post-op diet stages and am now on full foods, my drive and commitment has temporarily vanished.

We're moving in 5 days, primarily to eliminate the insane commute I've had for the last six months.  In those 5 days we have to drive 800 miles round trip (tomorrow) to take my boyfriend's daughters back to their mother, pack the majority of our house on Sunday (we've done little packing at this point), then I have to attend 2 of 3 days of a conference 90 miles from home on Monday and Tuesday.  Stress?  Yeah.  I'm there.

My belief is that the stress of the move combined with the seemingly endless commute, the tough couple of weeks at work, etc. are what has been my "derailment" over the past couple of weeks.  I'm not getting my protein in.  I'm not getting my fluids in.  I'm not eating the level of calories I've been at (primarily because I either choose protein or nothing at all).  I've not been sleeping well...and I have no idea why because I'm literally exhausted and my energy stores are seriously depleted.  I have bags under my eyes when I get home from work each night.  The acid reflux that is common with sleeve patients is a constant battle now - despite the fact that I took a 14-day regimen of Prevacid to eliminate it (Prilosec is now calling my name).

Weight loss?  It's been slow and steady, regardless of my above issues.  I'm now 1.2 pounds away from having lost 25% of my excess weight...and I have yet to start any kind of exercise regimen.

I think my nonchalance came in the few days preceding the 6 week post-op mark.  On that day, I transitioned to "normal diet"...and I'm having a hard time prioritizing me in the midst of everything else going on right now.  And?  I feel guilty about that.

5 days until the move.  I'm one who likes to unpack and "settle" immediately, and I've taken 3 days off of work to do so (in addition to the 2 weekend days that follow).  Once the move is done?  It's back to me.  Workout will become regular (2+ hours back into my day thanks to the commute elimination!).  I see my doctor again on August 1 and will discuss my disgust with the chewable vitamins I've not been eating because they're too bitter for me (although, they don't make me vomit - so they're better than the first ones I used!).  I'll also discuss my reflux and ask for clearer direction on the macronutrient requirements and calories I'm expected to consume.

I don't want to just lose weight with my sleeve.  I want to be healthy.  It will happen...just give me 5 days to eliminate the guilt.

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