Saturday, October 6, 2012

5.8 pounds gone in 4 days!

It's always interesting to jump back into healthy eating after not paying attention and stuffing your face with horrible things for so long...I've lost 5.8 pounds in the past 4 days!  Of course, my broken LapBand is the cause of part of that - I felt so sick the last two days that I barely ate anything (although, I will say that I didn't wimp out and grab a high-calorie frappuccino in spite of it, as I am typically known to do!).

I'm planning out my meals again, choosing lower calories options and meals that include wonderful things to do with vegetables (thanks Pinterest!).  I just made a "Lightened Up Baked Potato Salad" that comes in at 235 calories for 3/4c...and it's yummy!  I didn't have enough Greek Yogurt that the recipe called for and had to sub in some Reduced-Fat Olive Oil mayonnaise, so I'm sure the calorie count will be lower when I make it in the future and am better prepared...but heck, it's great to eat something so wonderfully delicious, in an adequate portion, and not feel guilty about it!

I think I've given up on a "timeline" for my goal, though.  My brain has been trying to comprehend how I can possible hit onederland by 2013...it's just not a healthy goal given how much weight I've put back on.  I like having specific targets for specific dates of meaning...but it's just not going to work out that way.  I feel like I've finally come to terms with the fact that losing weight, in general, is okay...it doesn't need to be time-bound to a holiday, milestone, etc. (although, it IS entirely possible to hit my goal weight of 169 by my 33rd birthday on August 28, 2013!).

The shift in focus comes from following other people here and on Facebook, talking to family members, etc. who finally got it into my head that I need to do this for the rest of my life...the "fat genes" are in me, and there's nothing I can do to escape them other than by changing my food habits.  I'm not a sedentary person, but I honestly don't work out either.  Losing and maintaining weight is 80% food choice anyway - some claim 90% - so it's easy to see how the work really needs to be done, for me, in better food choices that I can live with...for the rest of my life.

So, yay for the first 5.8 pounds gone in what seems like my millionth weight loss journey - I'm hoping this will be the last "restart" as I continue to learn how to use food as nutrition and not for coping with self-pity.


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

It's been a long time...

I'm not happy about the 56 pounds I've gained over the last year since I hit my low of 216 last fall (and then again in early 2012).  To be honest, I'm not quite sure how it happened given that my LapBand is still broken and I throw up more often than I'd like.  Admittedly, the foods I've chosen to eat have high caloric values (frappuccinos, ice cream, chips, etc. - all foods that go down well) and have stuffed my face on more than one occasion...even the part that I "throw up" doesn't seem to counteract the amount of calories that make it through.

Couple that with the fact that I haven't been to the gym I pay monthly membership fees for...and the fact that I've been lazy, sedentary, lacking motivation while feeling sorry for myself, etc. - well, I guess it's easy to see where those 56 pounds came from.

Enough.  I've said that countless times in my life as I've dieted, regained focus on losing weight...but I'm done.  I had donated all of my "fat clothes" awhile back and was disgusted to have to buy new clothes about a week and a half ago in a much larger size than I had been attempting to squeeze into just so that I'd have appropriate clothes for work.  I'm saddened that I had made so much headway, had a goal within realization (onederland), and simply threw it away for cheap dates with cheap food.

I can make up a million and one excuses as to why I've lost focus, took my eye off of the proverbial prize...none of it matters.  Excuses are as rampant and as easy to come by as torrential rain on the East Coast, and both of them mean nothing but frustration.

I started a "3 day diet" yesterday to kickstart my renewed weight loss effort, determined to get back to what I know to be a healthier and life-saving way of life.  The 3 day diet isn't anything more than a regimented script of what to eat for three days - the hype around the foods they suggest being magical combinations of ingredients designed to promote weight loss is just that...hype.  What it is for me, though, is a very strict approach to retraining my stomach to eat only what I need.  Taking the guesswork out of counting my calories, surviving on the nominal calories the diet provides...that's what I needed to help refocus more than just my stomach (even if the weight I'm losing in these three days is just water weight!).

Don't worry...the bodybugg is currently on the charger, ready to be put back on at the end of this three days.  Enough is enough.  Self sabotage isn't getting me anywhere near where I wanted to be on October 3, 2012 when I initially set out on this weight loss journey...and reveling in excuses only begets more excuses.