Wednesday, October 3, 2012

It's been a long time...

I'm not happy about the 56 pounds I've gained over the last year since I hit my low of 216 last fall (and then again in early 2012).  To be honest, I'm not quite sure how it happened given that my LapBand is still broken and I throw up more often than I'd like.  Admittedly, the foods I've chosen to eat have high caloric values (frappuccinos, ice cream, chips, etc. - all foods that go down well) and have stuffed my face on more than one occasion...even the part that I "throw up" doesn't seem to counteract the amount of calories that make it through.

Couple that with the fact that I haven't been to the gym I pay monthly membership fees for...and the fact that I've been lazy, sedentary, lacking motivation while feeling sorry for myself, etc. - well, I guess it's easy to see where those 56 pounds came from.

Enough.  I've said that countless times in my life as I've dieted, regained focus on losing weight...but I'm done.  I had donated all of my "fat clothes" awhile back and was disgusted to have to buy new clothes about a week and a half ago in a much larger size than I had been attempting to squeeze into just so that I'd have appropriate clothes for work.  I'm saddened that I had made so much headway, had a goal within realization (onederland), and simply threw it away for cheap dates with cheap food.

I can make up a million and one excuses as to why I've lost focus, took my eye off of the proverbial prize...none of it matters.  Excuses are as rampant and as easy to come by as torrential rain on the East Coast, and both of them mean nothing but frustration.

I started a "3 day diet" yesterday to kickstart my renewed weight loss effort, determined to get back to what I know to be a healthier and life-saving way of life.  The 3 day diet isn't anything more than a regimented script of what to eat for three days - the hype around the foods they suggest being magical combinations of ingredients designed to promote weight loss is just that...hype.  What it is for me, though, is a very strict approach to retraining my stomach to eat only what I need.  Taking the guesswork out of counting my calories, surviving on the nominal calories the diet provides...that's what I needed to help refocus more than just my stomach (even if the weight I'm losing in these three days is just water weight!).

Don't worry...the bodybugg is currently on the charger, ready to be put back on at the end of this three days.  Enough is enough.  Self sabotage isn't getting me anywhere near where I wanted to be on October 3, 2012 when I initially set out on this weight loss journey...and reveling in excuses only begets more excuses.



2 comments:

  1. Ok, you have a plan. You can do this.

    Remember even though your band is "broken," the band really only gave you a 20% advantage over dieting alone. YOU lost the weight before. YOU worked out. The band is supposed to help, but really YOU do all the work. I believe in you!

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  2. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share the highs and the lows. We are with you through both. You can do this.

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