Monday, October 31, 2011

Revise or remove - that is the new question.

After today's barium swallow, it looks like my band has officially - and permanently - slipped.  It didn't move at all from the cock-eyed position it was in three weeks ago when he put me on liquids.  He told me that if it had moved back into position, even the tiniest bit toward normal, he'd have hope to keep me on liquids and see how it heals...tis not the case.  We're chalking it up to the months of neglectful after care I received in California with the ass clown surgery practice.  For those of you keeping track...my band WAS all good to go again in the beginning of September, but apparently the battle with the closed band/dehydration earlier this month was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.  Apparently my September "fix" was really just a temporary relief that my LapBand, stitching and insides couldn't maintain.

My choices now?  Revision surgery or remove the band.  Here's the pro/con list (as I still contemplate):

REVISION

  1. I'd still have a LapBand.
  2. I KNOW the after care I'd receive from this practice will be good - no more neglect.
  3. I've lost about 120 pounds and have 50-ish left to go...and I know my head isn't ready to take over this journey on it's own, even though my determination says otherwise.
  4. I've been through the surgery before, so I know what to expect post-op.
  5. My LapBand would finally WORK...I'd really like to know what that's like.
REMOVAL
  1. I'd never have LapBand/digestion/PB/acid reflux issues again.
  2. The last 50 pounds would be all me (not sure if that's a pro or con...).
  3. I'd never have LapBand/digestion/PB/acid reflux issues again.
  4. I'd really have to put ME to the test - what did I really learn in this journey?
  5. I'd never have LapBand/digestion/PB/acid reflux issues again. - Are you gathering my frustration?
I really don't know which way to go.  The doc is going to have his people look into insurance coverage for me (typically, he says insurances cover this piece - even if they don't cover the original surgery - because it's now a legitimate, digestive-altering, dangerous issue) and he wants me to come back in a week or two to "talk."  I'm sure by "talk" he means "make a decision."  He stressed to me that he didn't want to wait too long on this - at this point, I'm a ticking time bomb.  One wrong food choice, one piece of food not chewed well enough, one morsel swallowed too fast...I'm back to where I was at the beginning of the month with a closed stoma and dehydration from not being able to swallow liquids.  As the doc puts it, we have no cushion - he can't drain my band, as he'd typically do if a patient was too tight, because my band is completely empty.  

Soooo...no more liquids for me.  Doc says to eat whatever I want, but to focus on SMALL ("and I mean SMALL") portions, chewing vigorously, etc...any irritation to my lopsided band/partially closed stoma will put my ass on an IV (ask my mom - I HATE those) forcing fluids into my body.  Yes, Grandma, I DID tell him about my family's kidney history so he knew not to push it when it comes to dehydration!

Ugh.  Why me?  Have any of you had revision surgery?  Any wisdom to share in my decision making process?

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Hello 210's!!

I saw the 210's for a brief time in August of this year, but - like I've said - I've been fluctuating between 217 and 237 for months...this time?  I ain't goin' back!!  219.6 today, 199.8 (at least) by January 1st!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Good week...kinda!

I feel good about what I did this week for myself.  I worked out Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and today (skipped Thursday after hitting my head, hard, on the steel door frame at work...little bump and some blurred vision, but I'll be okay!).  In addition to that, I've stayed on liquids about 97% of the time since my last PB episode 8 days ago - doctor's orders!  Barium swallow on Monday should reveal that everything's back to normal...I'll probably get a fill at this point...and I REALLY hope I'll be able to chew solid foods again by late next week!  I'm so fucking sick of liquids that I want to kill myself (we call that "hyperbole").

I've seen a great calorie deficit just about every day this week, but my weight is moving sloooowly...at a rate of about 0.2 pounds per day.  My boyfriend jokes that it's because I've been working out - it seems that if I hit my deficit but don't work out, I lose weight.  If I hit my deficit and work out, I always maintain.  Stupid body.  My goal with my bodybugg program is to get at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day (measured in calorie burn rate per minute) and 5,000 steps per day.  I know it's not a rigorous plan, but hitting that every day is more than I've done throughout most of my journey!  I didn't feel like hitting the treadmill tonight, but I did bust out the Wii Fit Plus and got my physical activity in...but not my steps.  Although it's rainy and drizzly outside (snow expected tomorrow - why the hell did I move to the East Coast again?), I'm seriously contemplating a brisk walk around the apartment complex.  I really want my 5,000 steps!!  As of now, I'm a little less than 1,500 steps away from hitting that for the day...and the extra calorie burn won't be a bad thing (or, it will, because exercising causes weight maintain/gain on me).

ANEEWAYZE - I'm proud of the commitment I made to myself this week.  I came home from work and put my workout clothes/shoes on and headed straight to the gym Monday through Wednesday, because I knew I wouldn't get up to workout if I allowed myself to sit down and watch TV or play on Facebook.  I'm proud that I've kept up my daily calorie deficit, burn, steps, physical activity, etc., despite seeing little movement on the scale.  I'm still waiting to get out of the 220's (220.4 both today and yesterday), but I know it's coming soon...and I vow to NEVER see that decade again!

Onederland by 2012, bitches.  It's so happening!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Re-energized!

I got in a good workout this morning.
I've stuck to liquids all weekend.
I've logged my calories in and out, creating a deficit for each day of the weekend.
I'm wearing my bodybugg...and using it.
My weight was down this morning.
I will say good-bye to the 220's, permanently, sometime in the next, few days.

See?  It's doable!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Accountability.

My last blog post referenced the fact that I was supposed to stay on liquids for two weeks, pending a follow-up barium swallow on the 24th, to ensure that my above-band pouch shrunk back to normal size and all inflammation ceased after my bout with dehydration at the beginning of this month.  Unfortunately, I've spent much of the latter half of 2011 on liquids and I just couldn't do it.  As a result, I've PB'ed three times in the last week.  Obviously my above-band pouch isn't healing and the irritation is still very present.  I noticed how serious it was, honestly, when I PB'ed after eating a minimal amount of food on Thursday.  Enough was enough!

I moved my Oct. 24th barium swallow to Oct. 31st (because, obviously, my doctor isn't going to see what he wants to see on Monday...and I'm not wasting $75 on a "facility fee" at the surgery center just for the doc to tell me to continue on liquids) and know that a strict liquid diet is absolutely necessary.  I don't like it one bit, and I'm so sick of blended soups, but I know that the alternative isn't allowing me to get any better.  Beyond that, I fall into this apathetic mood when I'm on liquids (or, maybe it's specific this time being on liquids again) that my calories don't matter...in reality, liquid calories can rack up just as big if I don't watch what I'm drinking.  With that being said, the bodybugg's finally back on my arm today and I'm tracking my "food" again.  I'd really like to get out of the 220's permanently - it's been a roller coaster between 217 and 237 for months, but I've spent the majority of my time in the 220's.  If this whole "onederland by 2012" thing is going to happen, it's on me!

I need to stop being a pathetic crybaby and literally get a straw and suck it up!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

2 more weeks of liquids...

After last week's tightness and dehydration episodes, I'm back to being able to drink normally and had my 3rd barium swallow on Monday.  My pouch is, yet again, enlarged and the doc doesn't like the position of my LapBand (again).  After seeing the screen, the doc wanted to drain my LapBand...until I told him he had already done that last week when I was so tight I could only keep spit down.  Oh well - I'm on liquids (again) now until I have my next barium swallow on the 24th, and then will probably get an adjustment and be on liquids for two more days...at this rate?  I'll be able to eat solid food again by Halloween - yay candy!!  Hahah!

Thankfully, most of the weight I lost from dehydration last week has decided to stay off of my body, despite the fact that I'm back to normal and fully hydrated this week.  I hit 222.0 (again) today and am excited to bust through 23 more pounds in the next 11 weeks and 3 days so I can be in "onderland" by 2012 - my current goal!  My weight tracking program tells me that will require a loss of 2.01 a week...I got this :).

:::SO STOKED FOR THE FUTURE:::

Friday, October 7, 2011

I'm better NOW!

But the week didn't start out that way...here's the timeline:

Thursday 9/29 - Fill (thank god - I'd been eating SO much and gained 13 pounds!)
Sunday 10/2 - While still on the "mushies," as per doctor's instructions, I carefully sampled a pumpkin swirl brownie from the batch I had made for my co-workers...immediately got stuck and started throwing up everything, including liquids
Monday 10/3 - Took the day off work after puking all night...forced myself to chug water/gatorade just to keep some down, even though I knew it'd come back up...continued to throw up everything - acid, liquids, chunks from days gone by...yeah, gross
Tuesday 10/4 - Unfill from the doc (had lost 14 pounds since the fill 5 days earlier), able to drink water at his office, but closed up again by that evening.  Continued to throw up liquids.  Called doc's emergency line - he told me to get some antacids and to come again in the morning if I was still having problems.
Wednesday 10/5 - 3rd day in a row off work, complete unfill from the doc.  Finally able to sip liquids.  Doc noticed how pale I was, how dry my lips were, etc.
Thursday 10/6 - Made it 5 hours at work, couldn't drink my Starbucks coffee (drank water instead), tried to drink some soup to no avail...got home, napped and continued to hydrate.  Realized that not only was I weak from dehydration, but also from the fact that I hadn't had calories in days...got a milkshake down :).
Friday 10/7 - Today I made it 6 hours at work, felt like I had more energy, and even drank most of a protein smoothie for lunch.  Stopped at the grocery store on the way home and was able to actually finish a bowl of soup when I got home.

I'm feeling better now, but not at 100%.  Although I barely worked at all this week, it's already time for the weekend!  I'm hoping to continue hydrating and putting some calories into my body so I can be normal by the time I go back to work on Tuesday (yup - we have Monday off!!).  My doc does want to see me on Monday for a barium swallow (yay...another $75 co-pay at the stupid surgery center), but that's the extent of my plans for the three-day weekend.  Since my band is completely empty again, I'm not sure if the doc is planning to fill me at all on Monday or just look at what's going on since I had so much irritation.  Either way, I'm determined not to get off the good track I started last week once my insides are all healed up...hunger or no hunger!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Happy Rocktober!!

I haven't been around, primarily because I was ashamed to come over here and say anything.  September 2011 saw a complete 180 in my LapBand issues...went from throwing up everything I ate to being able to consume anything I wanted!  I gained weight, didn't handle temptation well, etc.

Went back to the doc on Sept. 29th and got a fill (I have no idea how much, but I went through two cups of water testing the band's limits before he was satisfied he had the proper adjustment).  According to his records, I had gained 13 pounds (I like his records...because I think I actually gained more than that).  I scheduled my next evaluation for October 31st and, as I was leaving the office, the doc made sure I knew that I "owe him 13 pounds."  I started to tell him that I owe him that plus what I should have lost in September, but he assured me he doesn't charge interest :).  Have I professed yet how happy I am with my new doctor?!

At any rate, I'm back on the wagon now...I've been on liquids the past two days to let my adjustment sit, and I'm on mushies for the weekend...solid foods again on Monday.  The doc told me to be careful as I adjust back into normal foods, as he gave me a larger fill than he had anticipated.  He also said that if I get miserable, am too tight, etc., I am to call back immediately because, "You can't lose weight if you're miserable."  (Can somebody call my old doctor and tell him that?)

September was pretty much a depressing month for me.  Although it was glorious to eat foods again (and, boy, did I!), I had two big projects due at work and the weight gain/lack of self-control really brought me down overall.  I'm looking forward to ROCKING October (hence the "Rocktober" in the blog post title) and handing the doctor more than the 13 pounds he asked for when I see him on Halloween!  And the new goal?


Photobucket


P.S. I'm already down 4 pounds since seeing him on Thursday!  Bring it on!