Sunday, March 20, 2011

Size 16?! Me?!

I asked my mom recently what I weighed in high school, because I have no recollection of when I was last in "onederland," or - heck - even when I weighed as little as I do now.  My mom said she had no idea...awesome. I guess I was secretive about my weight even then, eh?  It's funny that I was that way, because I've been WAY out in the open about my weight over the last couple of years...especially since being banded.  I'm proud to tell people that I started out at 338...mainly because no one ever believes that I actually weighed that much (I never looked it, to be honest...or, at least, I didn't fit the picture of what everyone has in their head of a 338 pound girl).  It's somewhat bittersweet to be in the 220's now, because I can't say when I last saw this decade...and it'll continue to be that way for the rest of my journey.  The smallest I had remembered being was 274 a few years ago, but obviously I'm kinda past that one now.

I did hit up Old Navy yesterday and, thanks to the clearance rack and my 30% off coupon, got three new pairs of SIZE 16 jeans for $36!  Score!  Of course, I didn't try them on at the store...got home and only 2 of the 3 pairs fit (weird), but I know I'll be squeezing into that third pair sometime soon!

Beyond that?  I'm absolutely miserable.  I can't eat at all now...which is quite the 180 from earlier this week.  I just tried to eat a 100-calorie snack pack (Cheez-It Snack Mix), couldn't get it all down, and ended up PBing some of it into the toilet.  Ugh.  I feel kinda acid refluxy, but not really...it probably helps that I started taking Prevacid about a week ago.  But, not being able to eat (or drink, for that matter), sure makes me weak.  I haven't wanted to chat with Nick on the phone because I flat out don't feel well, and I've spent most of the weekend so far in and out of sleep in my bed.  Ugh.  I guess it's time to schedule an appointment with my doctor and see if I can get an unfill, eh?  I thought my band was loosening up and all was well again in LapBand world...guess not.

I've got some grading and lesson planning to get to at some point today...guess I better go start!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

NSV's for the week...and stuff.

Interesting week being back home...I spent time last weekend while sick with the flu catching up on grading for my classes and really planning some stellar lessons for the three different high school classes I teach.  This week?  Was an awesome week at school.  Lessons were great, the kids were stoked about learning (rare in a high school setting these days!), and...hold the phone...they actually RETAINED information!  I KNOW.  I've still been struggling with sniffles, coughs, snotty tissues and the like for the week, but my LapBand has been playing tricks on me.

I guess we'll start with that part of the story.  I've been able to *eat* this week.  I had nachos twice (maybe three times?) for dinner this week.  I ate quite a few fried chicken tenders today.  I've been snacking on some mini Reese's PB cups.  I've been eating regular chip snack bags that we're selling out of my classroom (leftovers from our huge event a few weeks ago).  It's been nice to be able to EAT again, even though being sick and being able to eat has led to some horrible choices in my diet.  My scale was also at school all week for our Biggest Loser weigh ins (my students weigh in every Tuesday, but I had left the scale there...not enough energy/lack of forgetfulness to bring it home), so my normal routine of weighing every morning didn't happen.  As a result, those "bad-and-should-only-eat-every-now-and-then" foods weren't registering for me because I wasn't seeing the daily gain.  I brought the scale home today, so we'll see what I weigh tomorrow morning!  I tried hitting the gym a little bit tonight here in my apartment complex, but my snotty nose and coughing wouldn't let me breathe to do much of anything...:::sigh:::.  I guess I'm still supposed to be resting.

The NSV's (Non Scale Victories) for the week:

  1. My bras have been too big on me lately - not around, but cup size.  Heck, you'd think after losing 110 pounds that my band size would shrink...nope!  I invested in some bras this week by going down a cup size, and that made a world of difference!  I guess it's a good thing my boyfriend likes small boobies...cuz he's stuck with them!
  2. It seems like just yesterday I was squeezing into the size 18 jeans I bought at Old Navy.  This week?  I was having trouble finding ANY jeans that fit me right...my 20's were way too loose, my 18's seemed like they fit when I first put them on, but then were beyond loose by the end of the day...weird.  I stopped at Target on Wednesday to buy a new jacket (all of my jackets look like large blankets on me...and I didn't want to spend a ton of money on a nice one because it's not going to be cold here in Southern California much longer!) and decided to pick up a pair of new jeans as well.  I went for a 16W, not even fathoming that my still-fat ass could actually fit into a 16.  Isn't that what bigger high school kids wear?  At any rate, the 16W pair?  Umm.  Loose.  I really should start trying on clothes in stores.
  3. That jacket I bought?  I didn't even buy it in the plus section...I've worn it twice now and gotten tons of comments about how great n' skinny I look :).  Watch out bishes.  I was a hot fat chick - I'll be lethal as a skinny chick.
Other than that?  I donated blood this week (how many pounds lost is that?!) and picked up a 30% off coupon at Old Navy for donating...I'm almost scared to head in there this weekend to buy some new jeans, afraid that I'll blow $100...even at 30% off!  But, hell, isn't that the store where you can buy an entire outfit for $5?  I swear I see that in their annoying commercials.  (Sorry I don't know much about Old Navy - being able to buy clothes there is a new thing for me!)  I'm in desperate need of some new jeans, though, and you can't beat 30% off.  Guess it's time for some shopping this weekend!

That's all I got.  Ta da!  The end.  Okaythanxbye.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

2 Kinds of Fat Chicks.

While lying in bed the other night, waiting for the acid in my throat to die down enough to fall asleep (finally bought Prevacid yesterday and took my first pill this morning), I was thinking about all of YOU.  There's a reason we get along so well...a reason we choose who, among our list of blogging friends, we like/get along with better...or who we might go out of our way to meet when we're near their town.

Fat Chick #1 - You're the girl who kept to herself when you were a big girl...the introvert, the one who was so ashamed of how she looked that she dared not approach the rest of the people in the world.  You were quiet, reclusive, and generally found excuses not to be around people.  Your blogs tend to be more about self-discovery and internal reflection, and tend to have a bigger meaning to fat chicks #2 who never realized there were people in the world like you.

Fat Chick #2 - You're the girl who saw her overweight-ness as a free ticket to have a big personality.  You were always loud, obnoxious, fun, and people loved you.  You may have been told you had a "pretty face," and you were never short on friends.  Everyone had a fat, funny friend in their group, right?  You were it.  You thought that if you were the sarcastic one, people wouldn't notice you were fat.  Your blogs tend to be appealing to other fat chick #2's because they identify with your quirky personality, and have found a "kindred spirit."  Fat chicks #1 tend to read your blogs and are amazed by the courage you show in facing the world.

Am I spot on here?  Or am I over-stereotyping how we've each survived being fat chicks in our former lives? I'd like to think I'm fat chick #2...even though I'm not as funny a blogger as some others I read.  I'm not trying to be offensive to anyone on here, but I randomly have thoughts about all of you and the blogs I read, apparently, when I'm lying in bed.

Maybe it's just the flu I've got right now playing weird tricks on my head.  Or the sincere lack of calories since I can't handle much in the way of solid foods and can't get in to see my doctor for at least another almost two weeks.  Or the acid reflux/heartburn that just won't go away.  I'm sick in the head...and everywhere else.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Acid Reflux. It's beyond getting old.

I'm at 9.0cc in a 14.0cc band.  For the first time, that high level of fill was finally working for me.  I'm losing weight again, making healthy eating choices, being a good LapBand patient, etc.  In the past, 9.0cc has been a nightmare of being too full.  But now that I'm in the 230's, my body was handling that level of fill quite nicely...

...until this past Wednesday evening.  I had a visit with the doctor scheduled for Wednesday afternoon, but chose to cancel it (it was a 3 week post-unfill visit).  I was exhausted from a busy week last week, my LapBand had been doing great on restriction, I wasn't having any issues, etc...no reason to waste an hour of my life going to see the doctor.  Of course, Wednesday night brought the issues.  I'm back to having acid reflux again, I'm barely able to eat/drink (drinking happens very slowly, eating is happening in 2-3 bites in a thirty minute period...my food gets cold, every bite is torturous and slow, I'm PBing if I eat more, etc.).  Since Wednesday, I've woken up each night to spit out acid because it wakes me up...WTH?!  WHY did my band tighten up on me?

I'm trying liquids today and tomorrow to see if maybe (a) I've irritated the band with some of the PBing that's gone on this week and/or (b) I've just been so stressed out with work that I need to let my band relax.  This really sucks...prior to Wednesday, I finally felt like I had found my perfect level of restriction - that was 13 months in the making.  I really don't want to get an unfill because I don't want to have less restriction, so I've got until March 16th (next date I can see my doctor) to get this figured out.  'Scuse me, Ms. LapBand?  Let's get back to where we were a week ago, mkay?  I liked you then.


If any of y'all out there have any suggestions/empathy stories - I'd love to hear them!