Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Temptation...

Temptation from yesterday: My job as a teacher’s union staff member can be frustrating at times. When I’m in my office, I receive calls from union members who are generally upset with something that’s been done to them by a supervisor/administrator. After an extremely difficult call yesterday (made even more difficult because there was nothing I could do to help the member), I snagged a Hershey’s snack size bar out of the candy dish on my desk and scarfed it down…then followed it with two more after a colleague came in and I reported to her that “I need chocolate.” Followed that with a small handful of the autumn candy corn I have in a Thanksgiving jar on my desk as well…

Why is there a candy jar on my desk? Well, it’s a great social tool for colleagues who come into my office throughout the day, and I often have union members come meet with me…good for their stress as well. 9.9 times out of 10, I don’t touch the stuff – not only has my LapBand had issues and I’ve been under direction to be on liquids for most of the time I’ve had this job (just started in July), but I don’t want to have to waste my daily calorie count on crap.

I think the root emotions that got me to scarf down that candy were a general frustration that stemmed from many places…the immediate frustration of the call, undertones of frustration with my colleagues, and general anxiety over the need for LapBand revision surgery somewhere amidst the insanely busy schedule that is my November. I see the doctor on Thursday to discuss and schedule the surgery, but the OCD organized person inside of me needs to schedule this surgery and my life NOW. Ugh. I’m generally just anxious/apprehensive about many things…and the easy answer is to grab some candy – no thought, no fuss, no muss! Hell, I did it for years – although, back then, it was typically a stop through a fast food joint to load as many calories into my mouth as I could.

Bottom line, I made sure to log that “snack” into my food journal (I utilize the bodybugg tool and website for that) and moved on. I only eat 1,350 calories a day, and that took up a meal-sized chunk of those calories on Monday, but that’s the way it goes. Weight loss surgery has been a blessing for me in that it helps me control my appetite, helps me focus on nutrition, calories, exercise, etc…but it is a DAILY (hell, hourly!) struggle to make the right choices. I truly believe that obesity is a disease, created by an addiction to unhealthy food. I just need to keep surrounding myself with positive people, energy and choose to maintain a health-centered focus on me!

1 comment:

  1. I couldn't agree with you more! It is a daily battle! Good for you for staying accountable and focusing on you and surrounding yourself with people and things that help you keep that focus!

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