Thursday, November 3, 2011

Sick of throwing up.

I've been cleared to eat whatever I want (liquids, solids, etc.) as long as I do small portions...I meet with my doctor next Thursday (10th) to discuss my surgery options for either revision or removal (and I'll ask about the sleeve, but I don't know if he does them!).  Despite the road block of a slipped band, I'm hell bent on making my goal of "onederland by 2012" and continue to log my calories into my bodybugg program.

Here's the issue...I'm not overeating.  I'm not even eating normally intolerable foods.  I'm not taking huge bites.  I'm not swallowing my food whole/scarfing.  I'm not eating quickly.  Despite all of that, I've thrown up food for 4 or 5 days in a row now.  Hell, tonight I thought I took it easy and had some turkey chili without beans...nope, couldn't stomach that either.  Gotta love a slipped band, eh?  I just find it bizarre that I can nibble/eat throughout the day, but can't tolerate food at night (apparently...except for the one exception where I threw up twice at work yesterday after trying to eat lunch).

Bottom line?  I'm so done.  I'm so ready for this nightmare to be over.  I'm leaning toward revision surgery at this point because I know the aftercare will be what it's supposed to be...and, to be honest, I'm scared that my head really isn't in the right place to either continue or finish this journey.  I've been so mentally screwed up over the past year of dealing with these band issues, that I'm not sure I'm in the right place to do this on my own.  Beyond that - if I could have done it on my own, I wouldn't have had surgery in the first place.

An aside?  I posted about the need for surgery in a Facebook status and actually got pushback from a couple of people.  These "friends" suggested (one even begged) that I get the thing removed..."do you really need it?"  "Can't you do it on your own?"  I've always been open about my surgery, even with strangers, but the fact that I got flack from people because I mentioned that I was leaning toward revision surgery really bothered me.  Everyone's always been supportive...what happened to that?  What happened to it being okay to make my own choices without fear of judgment?  Screw people.

Ugh.

3 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you're feeling right now. When my band slipped back in May I was absolutely miserable. Eating was pure torture no matter what I tried. I had already decided that if surgery was my only option I was going to have it removed rather than repaired. Much to my surprise when I went in for a re-check 3 weeks after diagnosis of the slip and a complete un-fill it had corrected itself.

    You have to do what feels right for you and only you can decide that.

    I don't know if anyone has already pointed you her way but Jacquie had her band removed and was sleeved in June. She may be a good resource if you have questions. http://jax0120.blogspot.com/

    Good luck to you and I hope you find some relief very soon.

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  2. I wish I had words of advice for you. Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon and can move towards healing. :-)

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  3. I hate that! You do what is best for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks!

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