Monday, December 27, 2010

2010 is going to end...

...and I can't wait for 2011 to begin!  I've been in a major slump with my LapBand and weight loss for what seems like months, and I can't wait to get home from my vacation (only for weight loss purposes), start getting filled again in small increments and have this tool working for me again.  I also got a bonus tool for Christmas from my sisters - a bodybugg!  Anyone have one of these thingies?  I've been wearing it since I charged it on Christmas Day and it's been so neat to plug in and upload my calorie burn...I'm not doing ANYTHING (literally, I sit on my ass and play CityVille on Facebook all day while my boyfriend's at work...I'm not daring to drive his car in all of this snow - I'm a California girl!), but it's still fun to see how this thing works.  I burn almost 5 calories a minute when I help a little girl (Nick's oldest daughter) bake and decorate sugar cookies!

I really wanted the bodybugg - I'm tired of guessing my body's chemistry...am I eating too much?  Too little?  Enough protein?  Enough water?  With the initial stats I logged into the bodybugg's online program, it says I need to burn 2,900 calories a day and intake 1,900 calories for a daily 1,000 calorie deficit...that supposedly will get me to a goal of a 2 pound loss per week.  Even sitting on my ass I burn 2,900 calories a day according to this little doo-hicky on my arm and...1,900 FREAKIN' CALORIES A DAY?!  I haven't eaten that much on a regular basis in ages!  Even with my LapBand being too loose, I've still been a good girl...generally.

But, maybe starting to log my food for a little while, watching my caloric burn for each day go up as I head back to work next week and back to my normal level of "higher-than-sitting-on-my-ass-all-day" activity, I'll finally be able to figure out why I GAIN weight every time I exercise.  Maybe I'll be able to kick 2011 off with some actual weight loss again.  Maybe I'll finally hit my 100 pound weight loss.  My LapBandiversary will hit on January 7th, and the 100 pound loss isn't going to happen by then - I've resigned myself to that.  But, I *do* see 2011 bringing me to my goal weight at some point which is a fascinating thought...I'll be thin.  WTH is that?!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Not sure what I'm doing...

Going from a LapBand that's too tight to one that's too loose is, in a word, nightmarish.  I haven't eaten a healthy day in weeks because of the looseness that is my band.  I'm still not able to gorge down the quantities I could a year ago, but my LapBandiversary is coming up soon (January 7th) and I'm disappointed that all I seem to have been doing lately is gaining weight.  I'm just...hungry.  Couple that with the fact that I'm on vacation at my boyfriend's house - I don't even have the "I'm too busy to eat" excuse that usually helps me avoid foods/quantities that are bad for me.

Hell, I even dropped out of the Holiday Challenge at the final weigh-in because posting the picture of the scale with my current weight on it was just embarrassing to me.  I used to be SO GOOD at this weight loss thing - what happened?

I don't even know what I weigh right now.  I last weighed in on Sunday (last day of the challenge) and then hopped on some airplanes to get out here to West Virginia.  I could weigh in on Nick's scale, but, frankly, I wouldn't want to even know what I weigh right now even if his scale were calibrated to weigh me in the same as mine does.

I got a 0.5cc fill before I left, too, taking me back up to 8.0cc.  I knew I should have pushed to go back up to 8.5cc, but I was nervous that I'd again have the problems I had around Thanksgiving and spend another vacation at Nick's house miserable with a band that's too tight (as I did in June).

Self-control is out the window.  Calories are off the charts.  Protein doesn't even register on the radar.  I have a fill scheduled for the Saturday after I get back, and I'm anxious to get back on track.  I doubt I'll hit the 100 pound weight loss mark by the time by Bandiversary hits, but I am determined to hit goal in 2011.  I just need to get out of this funk.

Friday, December 10, 2010

And I'm feeling gooooood....

What a great week it's been!  Although I'm heading to the doctor again tomorrow (gonna get more fill put back in - I'm still starving!), it's been great to be over the TOM, lose ALL the pounds I gained last week plus some, and really concentrate on my self control!  Being at 7.5cc again is weird...I can still eat - not as much as I was eating at 6.5cc - but the hunger is still there.  Determined not to let my hunger and TOM get the best of me, and determined to lose the gain from last week, I've been on a mission!  As of this morning, I'm down to 240.2 (that's a loss of 4.2 pounds since Sunday!!), and I'm so STOKED to see the next decade!  Why?
  1. I'll finally hit my 100 pound loss!
  2. I'll hit my 30% total body weight lost.
  3. I'll hit the "Obese (Class 1)" category...only a little bit more until I'm just "Overweight."
  4. I'll have passed through the 240's decade in record time!
I've indulged in some guilty pleasures this week, but still have seen weight loss every day (yes, I'm a daily weigher) because I'm paying attention to the calories I'm consuming.  No, I don't track calories...but having a general idea in my head of what I've been eating every day sure helps me regulate what I'm doing!  I've also been good about remembering to bring my "jug o' water" with me each day to work...that sucker holds almost 60 ounces of water alone, and I've been chugging it down!  I also stocked up on some protein shakes and bars this week...the convenient ones that I can grab and go with...which have helped me increase my protein intake.  Honestly?  I'm loving having my head in the game...the results are SO worth it!

Even better, I'm determined to keep it up.  Having gained 3.4 pounds last week really sucked...I remember yo-yo dieting, and remember gaining and losing the same pounds over and over for years (don't we all?!).  I absolutely don't want to do that anymore.  While 3.4 pounds is minute in the grand scheme of things, the sheer thought of having to lose that weight twice just...sucked.  

I've learned (again) this week that life is too short to let negativity and unethical/immoral assholes get ya down.  I started this journey with surgery about 11 months ago, and did it for me.  I'm over halfway to my goal, almost down 100 pounds, and I'm going to finish this for me.  By the time I hit my 31st birthday in August 2011?  You won't recognize me, bishes. 

Aside: While leaving the apartment complex gym tonight (after doing 2.0 miles in 32:48 minutes...I'll get faster!), I ran into two of the complex managers I hadn't seen in awhile.  They were more than happy to see my weight loss and said they didn't even recognize me at first!  Yeeeeeeeaaa boy!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Wow...what a disappointing weigh-in!

It's been an interesting week going from "too tight to eat anything" to "too loose to eat everything."  For the most part, I DID eat right...perhaps in trying to eat right I ate too little?  Or, didn't focus on proteins?  I gained 3.4 pounds this week according to today's weigh-in for the Holiday Challenge.  I'm not happy with that, but I'll record the loss and move on to better things next week.

Anyone have "the shot" as their method of birth control?  I recently switched to this after being on the pill for 11 years...I was ready for the convenience that comes with it, and the "no periods" thing sounded pretty awesome to me.  I got my first shot almost 2 weeks ago, knowing that spotting/periods may come for up to the first 6 months.  Yesterday?  Aunt Flo arrived with a vengeance (yeah, TMI, but most of you are girls who read this anyway...why is that, by the way?  Do boys not blog?).  I suppose part of my weight gain this week can be explained by TOM as well - but, honestly?  I'm not looking for excuses.

Well, I kinda am.  I'm seeking some sort of validation here.  People who are actively trying to lose weight shouldn't gain 3.4 pounds in a week and not reflect on the "why" of it all.  After seeing my weight loss go up this week, I made sure to work out yesterday, drink plenty of water, get protein in, etc...only to see a gain this morning from yesterday.  I got a fill yesterday, too - I had the doctor put in 1cc of the 2cc he took out the previous Saturday, and I'll see him again next Saturday to see if we want to put even more in.  I'm still shocked that I was having issues at 8.5cc anyway, because that had normally been a fine fill for me.  Perhaps it was the stress getting to me?  At 7.5cc now, I'm still starving.  I'm gonna go eat now - and probably, consciously, not make a great eating choice.  I've already weighed in for this week, and apparently the good eating yesterday isn't what my body wanted, so I'm going to nourish my soul with some goodness!

Friday, December 3, 2010

I totally lied to you.

I ate french fries this week.  I had a portion of a fast food cheeseburger.  Old habits sneak back in quickly when your LapBand's loose, eh?  Oh well.  As of this morning I'm only up 2 pounds since last Sunday's challenge weigh-in...I'm hoping that being extra good today and tomorrow (especially since I'm getting a fill again on Saturday!) will help drop those two pounds...and maybe some extra to spare so I can actually report a loss for this week!

Know what the worst part about having a way loose band is?  I'm freakin' HUNGRY!  ALL.  THE.  TIME.  I forgot what hunger felt like!

Go LapBand!!!!