Saturday, October 16, 2010

Me and 9.0cc just don't get!

It's round 3 with 9.0cc in my band after my fill on Wednesday, and I thought life was good! Since Wednesday I've been sticking to mostly liquids, but popping in a granola bar here and there (I keep them in my desk at work for when I have the munchies) and I managed to eat a LapBand portion size of steak last night without PBing (I'd been eating a TON more than that without issues prior to this fill). I was happy...

...until this morning. Up early, I headed to the gym to take my first Zumba class (which kicked my ASS but was SO FUN!). I got to the gym an hour before the class started, so I hopped on a treadmill and then a bike machine to do some light cardio. Not twenty minutes into it, my acid reflux came back. WTF?! I had an unfill about a month ago because my doctor thought acid reflux was caused by my band being too tight. I've lost weight since then, slowly, and my portion sizes have been huge! I figured I had finally lost enough internal weight to HANDLE 9.0cc! Why did I get the reflux from working out? All I had had prior to that was water...and I brought water with me...WTF!?!

I suffered with the mild reflux through the Zumba class and, later, when I got home. I was exhausted from not sleeping much last night so I took a nap when I get home. I wake up? Reflux is still there. The doctor had told me to come back in two weeks - if my reflux had come back, he'd take some of my fill out (again!) and get some tests run on me to make sure everything's okay in LapBand world. UGH.

I just had a great time puking up bile and acid into my toilet...yeah, it got so bad I started gagging and had to let it go. I had to actually go walk outside, in the fresh air, to stop the gagging. UGH.

Seriously - this sucks. Any advice from y'all? I thought about calling the doctor's office and running over there for an unfill, but I'm going to stick it out - maybe the steak 48 hours after a fill wasn't a good idea? We shall see how this goes...I'm not due in the doc's office again until October 27th.

It's all about the climb...

Reading your blogs tonight reminded me that we all need to celebrate the successes we've had thus far in our journey, in our lives, etc. And? I put my name "SingingLapBander" to work and recorded this lil' ditty take on Miley Cyrus' "The Climb." Enjoy!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

And I'm feeling good!

After the food binge of this weekend, thanks to a loose band, here are my stats:

October 5th - 255 pounds
October 11th - 259.2 pounds
October 12th - 258 pounds
October 13th (today) - 255 pounds

YAY! I lost those 4.2 pounds I gained from the eating binge! Better yet? I go for a fill today so I hopefully can't HAVE another eating binge...obviously, my self control sucks. I didn't even eat that MUCH compared to what I could have scarfed down in a weekend a year ago...but it was a lot compared to what a Bandster should/can eat when they're accurately filled. I'm trying like hell to lose 5 more pounds to reach my goal of 250 by CTA State Council (October 21st)...maybe I'll get there?! 5 pounds in 8 days is usually a huge ordeal for any Bandster, but I'm still thinking I can pull it off...especially after a fill today.

But? I'm nervous about this fill. I'm going back up to 9.0cc today - that's the fill I've ALWAYS had problems with. Will I be too tight again? Will the acid reflux come back? I haven't been to the doctor in 4 weeks, and that last time was to get an unfill from 9.0 to 8.5 because of the severe acid reflux that came on. Wish me luck with 9.0 (for the 3rd time...3rd time's a charm, right?)!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Deeper Look Within

I've been MIA from reading, commenting on and writing blogs for some time now because of the insanity that was my work schedule for the past month. I finally took some time this morning to read some blogs of yours (not all of them - sorry!), and I vow to keep better track of your lives. I'm always amazed at the depth of sharing, the closeness we all feel to a cyber world of people going through the same, daily struggles we all face...even though I don't have children, I'm not married, etc...I know that someday I will be, and the lessons I've learned/stories I've read on your blogs will keep me truckin' on through. It's the same with maintenance - I'm not there yet (still about 75 pounds to go), but seeing your pictures, the cute clothes you get to wear, the hot boots, etc...I long for the day when I, too, will get to share the same, emphatic stories about how far the LapBand has taken me.

It's then that I realize how far I've come already. Yesterday's before/during pictures really made me wake up to what 83 pounds looked like on my body. Most days? I still feel fat. I still feel like it looks like I've lost no weight at all - but, then again, that's my mirror image of the fat girl who's always stared back at me. While looking back at some weight loss progress pictures yesterday (I took some that have me wearing next to nothing - for my own perception, not yours! LOL), it hit me for the first time how big I really was at 338 pounds. Hell, I saw a picture yesterday that I took in April in just a bra and panties...back then I had already lost about 40 pounds. I told my boyfriend on the phone last night, "I was SO BIG, and I never even saw it." Although today I still have the bat wings on my arms, I still have rolls in my belly, and I'm still over 250 pounds...good LORD is there a huge difference between the girl I was a few months ago and the girl I am today. I have to celebrate that, even though I'm often depressed about the weight not coming off faster and the poor food choices I make.

In reality, I've had one foot out the door since I left my boyfriend's house in July this summer - with my career, the life I've built up in the last 7 years, etc. Turns out? I let myself go - my LapBand, my house, my life...I haven't had the weight loss I've wanted because I still don't work out, I still choose the wrong foods, I didn't go for the fill two weeks ago when it was scheduled (I had 3 pieces of pizza and 2 breadsticks last night for dinner - gasp!), etc. My head has been OUT OF THE GAME. Thank god for days off - yesterday was my first one in over a month. Instead of falling in and out of sleep, lazily, around my house, I chose to take care of some errands (including getting air in my car tires that desperately needed it!), clean my house, work out on the treadmill for a bit and, basically, re-ground myself. I commented to my boyfriend last night that "I feel like a grown up again." I do.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

You really don't notice until you see pictures...

I was feeling good about the size 20 tops and bottoms I bought today so I could start going to Zumba's a far cry from the 26/28 bottoms and 3-4X tops I bought when I started this process. I decided to take some pictures to show off my weight loss progress on Facebook:


Of course, there are many things I still don't "LOVE" about my body now...but with 83 pounds down and 75 to go, I think there's a WORLD of difference here! Geez...just look at how unhappy I was taking a fat "before" picture - and that was when I was already down about 15 pounds! I'm loving this band :)