Thursday, September 23, 2010


Look at that ticker up there...yay! While I'm not at a significant number or anything, I've officially lost more than I've left to lose! Wooooohoooo! It feels good to know I'm over halfway there :). My average rate of loss is 2.1 pounds a week - still not bad! I need to remind myself that I AM doing well whenever I'm having a fat day or a "slow loss" week. As long as the scale still goes down, I'm accomplishing great things!

In addition? I'm not around much until after October 3rd. My students and I will be hauling all of their livestock and equipment to our county fair tonight (biggest junior livestock show on the west coast), and we'll be "living" at the fair until it's over. Early mornings, long days, heat, exhaustion, least I'm bound to lose some weight with all this walking around!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Renewed spirit!

Thanks to reading MrsFatass' blog post today, I've realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and lack of weight loss. What lack of weight loss? I've lost damn near 80 pounds in 2010! How many people WISH they could say that?! So, I end my Friday/start my Saturday with a quick list of things that make me awesome:

1. I've lost almost 80 pounds, dawg! Whut whut!
2. I have an amazing career, and it looks like I'll be taking a step up in the next month!
3. I have the man of my dreams who loves me with everything he is.
4. I'm a hot bish. Really. Even at ~259 pounds. I got me da sex appeal!
5. I love myself - always have!
6. My friends and family are supportive of every choice I've made (except smoking).
7. I'm college educated, and, even though I'm still paying for it, I'm proud of that.
8. My name's unique...just like me!
9. I am an independent woman who doesn't need to rely on anyone to pay my bills.
10. My kitty cats love me :).

I could go on, but I'll stop with the infamous Top Ten reasons. Bottom line? It's okay to "whine/complain" when my band isn't right, in the hope that I can gather wisdom and advice from all of you...but my blog has been more about negativity and less about the blessing I call my life! No mas!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Depressing? Maybe.

Out of curiousity, I went back through my weight chart and noted how long it took me to pass each "decade" of weight I've hit so far:

December 31, 2009 – Began at 338.2 pounds
January 7, 2010 – Hit 328.6 ~One Week (Pre-Op Diet)
January 23, 2010 – Hit 319.2 ~Two Weeks
March 1, 2010 – Hit 308.4 ~One Week
March 19, 2010 – Hit 299.6 ~Two Weeks
May 6, 2010 – Hit 289.8 ~Seven Weeks
June 6, 2010 – Hit 279.4 ~Four Weeks
July 27, 2010 – Hit 269.8 ~Seven Weeks
September 15, 2010 – Hit 259.6 ~Seven Weeks

I remember being frustrated when I stayed in the 270's for so long - that took about seven weeks, and it felt like an eternity. What I notice, though, is that it's taken me about seven weeks to lose EACH SET of ten pounds since I've had Band issues (beginning in late May). Yikes! With the weight I've lost so far, my average weight loss is still 2.13 pounds a week. If that average loss can stay above 2.0 pounds a week, I'd be a happy camper! I still can't believe I've lost almost 80 pounds...while I know I still have quite a long road ahead of me, and that the pounds are coming off slower now, I know that I need to celebrate how far I've come. In the next day or two (I'm guessing), I'll hit the "50% of excess weight lost" mark...which not all LapBanders accomplish. I'm glad I'm, so far, turning out to be a "results not typical" kinda gal, and I only hope I can endure for another 80 pounds until I get to my goal!

My goal...weird. I have no clue what I'd look like at 238 (100 pounds lost), let alone 200...or even the "goal" I set of 180. It's bizarre having been overweight for your entire adult life, because I truly have no clue what any of those weights look like on me - I can't even remember ever weighing as low as I do now (although, obviously I some past, long time ago lifetime!). But how do I feel? Fat. I feel like the slower weight loss - that I knew was bound to come - is dragging me down with it. I know much of it is the fact that I had so many ISSUES with the band, being too tight for the better part of the last 3 months. I hope that I'm on the right track again, that I continue to make the right choices, and that I can kick up the weight loss once again now that my band is working WITH me (knock on wood)!

P.S. - My current goal is to hit 250 before the first CTA State Council session of the year (October 22). That is...if I don't have a different job by then that causes me to resign from Council...

Thousand Word Thursday!

Join in the fun and discover this week's topic here!

I'm joining in for the first time, but Amy wants to know our favorite piece of jewelry and why it's our favorite...well, let's start with a picture...


While these may look like a basic pair of diamond earrings to you, they're really special to me - not only do they go with everything (I actually had to take them off to get a picture), they were part of a wonderful and sweet gift my amazing boyfriend got me for our first Valentine's Day as a couple. To this day I don't know HOW he managed to scrape together the money to buy these, and, to be honest, they're the only jewelry I have that's real...while I buy cheap jewelry normally and wear whatever I've got, he said I deserved real jewelry and I was blown away when I got these. Cute story? He added my friends to his Facebook so that he could survey them on the appropriate jewelry to buy for me that I would like...then sent these along with other Valentine's Day goodies (including a handmade card that he BURNT himself making as he soldered one of it's pieces - too awesome!). He was concerned about a mailman potentially seeing the diamond earrings in their box and stealing them, so he wrapped them up in a DIAPER. Ha! I love this man, I truly do - and these earrings are a daily reminder of how amazing the man I have in my life really is!

Amy - did I do this right?!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

What happens when your band is too tight?

I'll tell sucks. Back in June I experienced a band that was too tight - lots of PB'ing, not being able to eat, etc. And I thought THAT was bad?! It's been quite the few months with this LapBand...ugh. I got to the point after my last unfill that I couldn't eat in the morning/afternoon, but was eating like a cow by night. I figured 9.0cc was perfect for me, right? Wrong. Over the last week I've had MAJOR issues with that 9.0cc again. It got to the point where (a) I was having severe acid reflux - which I've never had before and (b) I put myself on a liquid diet because even the TINIEST amount of food was tough to swallow. I've been in pure hell.

So today? I was scheduled for a fill...after telling the doc about not being able to eat anything on top of the acid reflux, he agreed with the research I'd band was too tight. So? I'm back down to 8.5cc. Just had a cup of pudding and...:::ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:::. I feel a million times better!

AND?! I got to the 250's this morning! I checked in at 259.6...we'll see if I can maintain that now that I'm able to eat again :). I'm hoping that the starvation from the last few days will counteract the food I'm going to eat today, and I'll FINALLY be out of the 260's!! Man, these decades seem to go slower and slower the farther I get into this!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

An award...for me?!? Thanks Lena!

Well goodness gracious me! I received such an uplifting award today!!


The rules are as follows:

1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

Wow...I tend not to regret anything I've done in my life, because all of those instances in life made me who I am today. BUT, if I HAD to change something? I'd change the way I (mis)managed my money in my 20's. I wasted a lot of money on late fees and interest rates because I was stupid. Glad that lesson is learned, even if it took over a decade to overcome it!

2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.

kagead - Her blogs always make me stop and think about the life I'm leading with my LapBand...and outside of that!

Amy - Banded just a little before me, her blog is so relative to my experience - and she's a hell of a motivator!

Vickie - For her motivational support - she's that little bit extra!

Grace - Seems like she reads/comments more than anyone else on my blog, and she always knows what to say to make me feel great about whatever struggle I'm going through at the moment!

Amanda - I just love her. Really, she's awesome.

Amy - My favorite blogger - I stalk her, really. She's been a constant source of entertainment and inspiration since I started blogging, even though I haven't ever "talked" to her outside of leaving a comment here and there. I absolutely hope I show the passion and zest for life she does, and I can only DREAM of looking like her someday!!

There are SO many other blogs I read/love/draw inspiration from...but the damn thing only asked me for six!

3. You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award.

Lena = Rock Star. Thanks so much for thinking of me!

Monday, September 13, 2010

I've GOT to figure this out!

I'm absolutely just...frustrated. I'm not losing weight (bouncing back and forth between the same few pounds), I'm either not able to eat or able to eat a ton (depending on the day), and overall frustrated with what my body's not doing. I'm not losing sizes/inches either, so it's definitely not a "phase" my body's going through.

BUT - I'm also not working out, not counting my calories, not getting enough protein and not drinking enough water. Yeah, I'm *not* doing everything I should be doing when you hit a plateau.

So? I've got a double serving size protein shake already blended and in a "to go" cup to take with me tomorrow morning - 220 calories and 60g of protein, bishes! I've got a 12 hour work day tomorrow, so I've already packed up a lunch box full of food to eat throughout the day (910 calories and 21g of protein). Question is - will my body let me eat it all? Since I actually KNOW what I am putting into my body, we'll see if it's just the same problem I had back in June when I was too tight - my body is starving (my boyfriend says I'm not eating enough...he could be right!). I've got long days ahead of me most of this week, so I'll continue counting every calorie and gram of protein this week to see if I'm actually on par with food.

The fill I cancelled two weeks ago? I rescheduled that appointment for this Wednesday - the way it's been going, I definitely don't want another fill. I haven't PB'd in a loong time, but I do slime often from eating just a little amount of food (less than what even the LB doctors would recommend). There are nights, yes, where I can scarf down an impressive amount of food for someone with a LapBand, but that's turned out to be the exception and not the rule.

I want to work out, really. I picked up the class schedule of the gym I belong to last Monday so I could schedule in some classes into my life and get a routine going...then two days later I accidentally spilled a bad chemical on me while demonstrating a lab to my sophomores (bottle exploded) and I have a bad chemical burn on my shins and right foot which is still healing. The couple of times I've attempted socks/tennis shoes in order to keep my foot as clean as possible? Ouch. Burning sensation back and my epidermal burns flare up. Unless the gym starts up a policy that barefoot = ok for Zumba and cycling classes? I'm down for the count. Luckily, my every day life is pretty mobile, so I'm not worried about being "sedentary" as my reason for the plateau.

I'm just...sick of being in the 260's. I was rockin' 10 pounds of loss a month and feeling pretty good about myself for awhile. It just hit me, though, that I've now passed the 8 month mark and am holding steady at 74-76 pounds of loss, depending on the day. ARGH! Weight loss? Please come back.

Monday, September 6, 2010

At a crossroads...

I know things take time when it comes to weight loss...but I'm more than frustrated with where this month has gone. Initially, I was doing great! Losing weight, making healthy choices, convinced that the 9.0cc of fill I had was appropriate...

...that's out the window. I've fluctuated between 261 and 264 for what seems like weeks now (in reality, I have no clue how long it's been). What's going on? Here's what I know:

1. I can barely eat in the mornings, but can eat a cow by the time night comes around.
2. I'm not drinking enough water - despite having tons of water bottles and bottled water around me. I've been making the conscious choice in the last couple of days to rectify this, and I hope I continue to do so.
3. I'm not working out - and I have a gym membership (have had once since October of last year). In fact, I've NEVER used this gym membership, despite paying $39.99 a month. Lemme tell ya? That's one expensive plastic keychain tag. I stopped by the gym today to pick up their class schedule (YAY Zumba!) and to ask questions about how to "use" the gym...even put the classes into my calendar...let's go work out!

I guess...I just don't know? I try to make healthy food choices (they're a HELLUVA lot better than the choices I made a year ago), but even eating large quantities of healthy food get you in trouble with your weight.

I feel like I don't want a fill - I still have issues with some foods, and steer clear of others because of the problems I know I've had. Am I lying to myself? Should I be eating those foods I'm having problems with anyway? Am I REALLY taking small bites? Probably not - on both of those. I had a fill scheduled for last Wednesday, but rescheduled it for next Wednesday. Hmm.

I'm about 8 months out of surgery now and feel like I'm in a LapBand slump. Weight loss/gain back and forth, filled to the point where I don't *want* another fill but feel like I *should* have one...I don't know what to do. Motivational peoples? Join in here.