Friday, April 30, 2010

47.6 pounds...SO close!

The goal of 50 in 4 months (including pre-op diet for a week) isn't going to happen. I weighed in at a loss of 47.6 pounds this morning, and I don't foresee 2.4 pounds off by tomorrow morning. But? It's all BBQ sauce over here! Besides, my LapBand surgery was January 7, 2010 - I have another entire week to lose that last 2.4 pounds to reach the goal of 50 pound in 4 months, right? Heck yes!

Besides that, I had a good chat with a fellow Bandster in the LapBandTalk chat room tonight - thanks guitargal! I've been frustrated the past few weeks while I've tried to live with restriction, get on track and eat healthy. I'm losing weight, so that's not the issue. Literally? I'm scared to eat. Most days I get by eating as little as possible, filling up on protein shakes and soups to get through...because that stuck feeling? Sucks. Her advice:

1. EAT SLOWER. If I'm honest with myself, I'm eating too fast - her doctor told her the same thing. Take the chicken breast from the other day that I threw up...the bites were small, I chewed 'em up good, but I was watching TV while eating and didn't realize I was full until I was sick. Verdict: I shoveled the chicken down too fast without letting each bite start the digestion process. So, yeah. I need to work on the whole "eat slower" thing.

2. EAT FRUIT. I asked guitargal what her diet consists of - turns out, we eat a lot of the same foods...except that she snacks on fruits throughout the day (oranges, watermelon, etc.) to help curb hunger cravings and to increase her water intake. Duh. Why don't I have more fruit in my life? Produce department - we have a date tomorrow.

3. JUMPING JACKS...or a "kind punch" to your band area...lol! She learned from others that when she has that full/almost stuck feeling? Do one of those actions and the food will start to dissipate...interesting.

The other lesson I learned tonight, even though it wasn't directly from guitargal - I need to be better about reading blogs, writing blogs, reading LBT threads, etc. The things I learn, read and process through my own head all help me rewrite my brain...I have a million "OMG ME TOO!" moments and realize new things about myself every time I read or write. Duh. It's helpful, and I should be doing more of it.

I see the doctor tomorrow morning - pretty doubtful he'll give me any kind of fill, but I'm okay with that, too! I'm eager to get some fruit and start eating slower...and maybe jump a jack or two :).

Monday, April 26, 2010

Come on, really?

So my next fill is on Saturday (same day as my 4-monthiversary since starting the pre-op diet) and I seriously have to ask my doctor...WHY are some days tighter than others? Today I've had 704 calories and 76g of protein...roughly. I say "roughly" because some of the chicken breast I had for lunch ended up going down the toilet...ugh. I wasn't eating too fast or taking bites too big...I just have days where the band is tighter...WHOLE DAYS...WHY?! Oh well. I'm treating myself to liquids for the rest of the day, including this yummy coffee with yummy creamer - yes, there are loaded calories in my French Vanilla creamer, but apparently I can handle them today! On a normal day, I eat 1000-1200 calories...I've got some to spare tonight since I'll be letting my esophagus/stoma heal from the vomiting episode earlier today. Ugh. This better pay off with some weight loss tomorrow - although being bulimic is NOT how I had planned to lose weight!

On the up side? I weighed in at 292.4 this morning - only 4.2 pounds to go to hit my goal of 50 pounds by Saturday!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

50 pounds in 4 months, eh Joia?

The goal is alive!! And, by the way, my name is pronounced "Joy." Mom wanted something unique for her first born and ended up having an excessive vowel movement.

Now that THAT is handled, let's talk about this lofty goal I set for myself. I started my pre-op diet on December 31, 2009 and had surgery on January 7, 2010. The goal I have set is to be down a total of 50 pounds in 4 months, which would mean I'd need to weigh 288.2 by May 1st (this upcoming Saturday).

IT MAY HAPPEN! I took students out of town for four days for a leadership conference last weekend...and ate. But, on the flip side, I also got TONS of exercise from walking, stair climbing, 15 minutes on the hotel treadmill and dancing with the kids. Despite all of the exercise, I came home having gained 3 pounds and thinking that the goal wasn't going to happen.

BUT - I've busted my diet ass this week since I've been home. No, I haven't really been working out - I still need to get better about that - but I'm proud to say that I weighed in at 293.0 this morning!! I was at 295.8 before I left for the conference with the kids, but crept up to 299 on the scale on Wednesday morning when I returned. That means? I've lost SIX FREAKIN' POUNDS in four days! Yup, it's the focus on protein shakes, eating the right foods, and taking my vitamins. At this rate? I'll hit 288.2 (the 50 pound loss mark) BEFORE May 1st...

I originally thought the goal was lofty, looking at the last 7.4 pounds I had to lose in just about two weeks. But now? Being 4.8 pounds away from the 50 pound goal and having 6 days to do it? I think me and Ms. LB can make this happen. Let's go!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

See doctor? I told you.

No one had a response to my last post - I guess it must just be me! Oh well! I'm learning to live with the LapBand again after falling short over Spring Break and whatnot. A week ago my doctor threatened to take some of my fill out because I had been vomiting from my food...but I promised him that when I eat the right foods, pay attention to my body and follow the rules? I do just fine. A week later, I haven't thrown up at all this week, listened to my body when I've been full, and am down 3.6 pounds this week! I miss average weeks like that - it's been a long time since I could claim that much weight in a week, perhaps since the first month! I'm well on my way of being down 50 pounds in a total of 4 months (May 1)...the countdown now is that I've got 7.4 pounds to lose in 14 days. It's a push, I know, but I really want this! I've been doing better about my food choices and am leaving today to head to the California State FFA Leadership Conference with 8 of my students until Tuesday. The conference is always a motivating time for both me and the students as we hear keynote and guest speakers throughout the conference that bring us to tears and really make us re-examine our lives. I'm coming at this year's conference with a new perspective on life - a year ago I was miserable for many reasons and my outlook on life was bleak. This year? I've got a LapBand, 42.6 pounds of weight loss, an amazing boyfriend in my life and a hopeful outlook for the future! I'm sure that the speeches I hear this weekend will be the motivational push I've been looking for.

On top of that, the next 4 days will see plenty of walking, water drinking (I'm bringing a case of water to store in my hotel room - when I've got it, I drink it!) and planned meals with my students. I won't be able to weigh myself again until Wednesday (I'm a daily weigher), but I'm hoping to be 2-3 pounds down by then!

Okie dok. I gotta go finish doing laundry, packing and head to the store for some last minute essentials. Happy weight loss everyone!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Band...what's up?

The last 48 hours have been exhausting with all of the work happenings and going-ons, and then traveling 5 hours round trip to spend a few hours doing some karaoke in Southern California with old friends...I haven't been paying attention to me...UGH. Monday, Ms. LB was non-existent, as I laughed at the quantity and (lack of) quality foods I was able to get down. I went up a pound-ish on the scale yesterday, mad at what I had chosen to eat on Monday. But yesterday? Ms. LB wanted to get me back - I only got down ONE meal that took me an HOUR to eat. No, it wasn't a great food choice, but at least there was protein! As a result, I'm back down again today - total weight loss at 40.8.

But seriously? Why does my band have on and off days? I'm generally tighter in the mornings period (as are most Bandsters), but why are there whole DAYS that are better or worse than others? Anyone else experience this? I'm happy with the downward trend of my weight loss, but it bothers me that I can't eat without a problem every day. It's not certain foods, it's just random days of Ms. LB being pissed off at me and being tight ALL DAY. Any feedback on this?

Monday, April 12, 2010

40 pounds - buh bye!

I can officially now say I've lost 40 pounds...no more "almost 40" or "about 40," it's officially 40 pounds on the nose! I'm doin' a little happy dance over here, and excited to try to lose 10 more to hit my goal by May 1st! Bring it on, body, we're back on track and ready to rock!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

No fill.

The morning started with me looking at the clock (CRAP!), noticing that I had 20 minutes to get to the doctor. Luckily, it's a 5 minute drive...threw on some clothes, weighed myself (YAY for 299.4 - not going back to the 300's this time!), and headed out the door. I had a 40 minute wait today, but the wait was entertained by 3 other LapBand patients - we had our own little support group! Two of them had surgery the same month I did - one had gained weight, the other had only lost 15 pounds. It sure makes me feel good to be "almost 40." The lady who had lost only 15 pounds questioned everything I did and wanted to know HOW I'd been so successful. Funny, I'd been thinking my weight loss was slow-going...but as long as it still goes, I'm happy.

I finally get in to see a new doctor and we talk about the fact that I'd lost 7 pounds (according to their scale) since my last fill three weeks ago. He says I'm on par with what they expect, but was worried that I'd had so many stuck/vomit episodes. I told him that vomiting wasn't THAT frequent, but he said it was...lol. Different perspectives, eh? He toyed with the idea of taking out some of my 8cc fill...said that if the vomiting continued, I'd have to get ALL of the saline removed, pushing my journey back a couple of months. I promised him that the reason I'd been vomiting is user error - when I eat what I'm supposed to, I do fine. With that, he sent me on my way with no adjustment...making me feel like the rush to get out of bed wasn't worth the time.

BUT, I knew that today's appointment was my chance to get back on track. This last week back home after Spring Break has been hell - with work, trying to eat, etc. I haven't been taking care of my body, and I know that. Since I was already awake and dressed, I decided to head to the grocery store...and I'm stocked up, once again, with food I should be eating!

Current goal? To be at 288.2 by the time I go in for my next appointment on May 1. I know that's 11.2 pounds away, but it'll mean I've hit a 50 pound weight loss! Also, that'll mean that those 50 pounds came off in 4 months...YAY! I KNOW I can do it. I've been bouncing around the same 5 pounds for a month now, and it's because I haven't been doing what I need to do. Now that my focus is back on me? Let's do this bish.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Changed Fill Appointment...

Life has been nothing short of hectic since I arrived home Monday morning and dove straight back into work. Hell, it's midnight and I just finished working for today! Taking that into account, my fill appointment originally scheduled for 2pm tomorrow isn't going to work...I'm booked in a meeting until 2:30, then have another meeting across town at 3:30pm. So today? I rescheduled for Saturday morning. That *does* mean I have to actually wake up on Saturday morning, but at least the stress of leaving meetings early, driving all over town, etc. is gone. It'll be interesting to see how Saturday goes...

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hello again...remember me?

Been awhile since I've posted, and I'm still at 301.0 pounds. Since my last post, I've had a whirlwind of both life and emotions...finishing up with my students as we looked toward Spring Break, FFA Region finals in both debate and speech (no state qualifiers this year, unfortunately...but it's all over now!), CTA State Council and, FINALLY, Spring Break with my amazing boyfriend in his home in West Virginia. I swore off diet and exercise during Spring Break week, focusing just on enjoying myself with the love of my life who currently lives 2,400 miles away from me.

We had a blast throughout the week - mainly doing nothing, but enjoying our time together. We had a lot of good conversations, and I left Sunday night for an overnight flight to get me back home yesterday morning so I could head into work...and I'm still exhausted. Besides the physical exhaustion from the little, uncomfortable sleep I got on my flights to jumping back into my chaotic work life...I'm emotionally spent. I long to be with my boyfriend, and I absolutely HATE the distance between us. This week brought us even closer than we were before, and I'm determined to have us live in the same state before the year 2010 is up. It's surreal to have met him a little less than five months ago, and yet be so convinced that he's absolutely the one for me. It's, hands down, the best relationship I've ever been in, and he's absolutely just...amazing. I miss him incredibly, and it's been hard to find the motivation to do my job and live my life in the less than 2 days I've been back home in California. Ugh. I know the sadness will pass, and that we will see each other again in less than two months...I just...hate this.

On the flip side, the LapBand was mostly nice to me over the last couple of weeks despite not losing weight. For the most part, I ate horribly and was able to get foods down...with a couple days of exception. Last Saturday, while at CTA State Council and the breakfast buffet with my colleagues, I filled my plate with all sorts of glorious food. I knew I wouldn't eat everything I put on my plate, but at $25 a pop for the buffet, I was sure going to try eating bits and pieces of everything! I ate a piece of Italian breakfast sausage (yum!), no problem. I ate a bite of scrambled eggs, no problem. I ate a small bite of English muffin...set it back down on my plate...sat for a couple of agonizing minutes with my colleagues as I realized that the few bites I had already consumed were going to come back up. At that point, I rushed to the 4-star hotel bathroom and proceed to bring EVERYTHING back up. Ugh. For lunch that day? I loaded up my plate once again with the Italian buffet we were served for lunch...one bite, and I knew lunch wasn't going down. I put my full plate of food on the service tray, returned to the buffet line and got the server to scoop out broth from the soup for me...anyone know how much it sucks to have access to AWESOME food and not be able to eat it?! Saturday night is always a dinner somewhere in downtown LA with my local colleagues, and I was anxious to have some food. Lucky for me, the food went down fine...yay! I completely forget what I ordered, but I do remember feeling like I hadn't eaten in days after the stuck/vomit episode and forcing myself to take SMALL bites and CHEW CHEW CHEW. :::sigh:::

Story #2 - my last day with my boyfriend was Easter Sunday. We woke up lazily and decided to cook breakfast together - I made eggs with parmesan cheese and some bacon, he made croissants. I know I'm tighter in the mornings, but I hadn't had problems eating or drinking anything since I'd been in WV for the week (I even had some Dr. Pepper - it was so WEIRD to drink a carbonated beverage!). I took a bite or two of the things on my breakfast plate and then, stupidly, took a drink of the glass of water I had in front of me. Our nice breakfast together was instantly interrupted by me rushing to his bathroom to expel all of the water I had just gulped down...I was done eating. For lunch we headed to Dairy Queen to get some hot dogs (we both adore hot dogs and had never eaten them together - it was cute!) and we headed to a local park/river to enjoy the WV weather and eat. I barely got the hot dog down, taking small bites and removing portions of the bun along the way. Dinner? I attempted dinner while on my layover at the Washington D.C./Dulles airport...most restaurants were closed in my terminal, so I sat down at a pub and ordered a burger. First bite? Rough. I took all of the produce off of the burger. Second bite? Rough. I took everything off of the burger and grabbed a fork to chunk off a small piece of just the hamburger. Third bite? Rough. I finally decided I was done, paid the $16 tab to the waitresses who were freaking out that I wouldn't eat their food, and settled on some snack food on the plane which, thankfully, went down without a fight. Monday back at home was just as bad...ugh.

Bottom line? I'm home now. My life is "back to normal" whether or not I like living without him. I need to get back into my vitamin, protein shake, exercise, etc. routine and continue my weight loss journey. Spring Break is over - no more excuses. I actually had gained a few pounds over the break, but checked in back at 301.0 this morning. Blah - I had been at 299 or 298 right before I left for break (I forget now...), and I know I'll be right back under those 300's soon! Since I can't spend my entire life focused on how much I miss him and/or dreaming about how wonderful our life will be together, I know I need to focus back on me and finishing out the last 8 weeks of the school year.

And? I'm scheduled for another fill this week...not sure if I'll be getting one or not...these stuck episodes have been weird, painful and long lasting...but on days that I'm not stuck, I can eat plenty and still be hungry. I know, I know...getting back into the routine will help me sort out whether or not I need a fill. I've been a bad girl :)