Thursday, December 23, 2010

Not sure what I'm doing...

Going from a LapBand that's too tight to one that's too loose is, in a word, nightmarish.  I haven't eaten a healthy day in weeks because of the looseness that is my band.  I'm still not able to gorge down the quantities I could a year ago, but my LapBandiversary is coming up soon (January 7th) and I'm disappointed that all I seem to have been doing lately is gaining weight.  I'm just...hungry.  Couple that with the fact that I'm on vacation at my boyfriend's house - I don't even have the "I'm too busy to eat" excuse that usually helps me avoid foods/quantities that are bad for me.

Hell, I even dropped out of the Holiday Challenge at the final weigh-in because posting the picture of the scale with my current weight on it was just embarrassing to me.  I used to be SO GOOD at this weight loss thing - what happened?

I don't even know what I weigh right now.  I last weighed in on Sunday (last day of the challenge) and then hopped on some airplanes to get out here to West Virginia.  I could weigh in on Nick's scale, but, frankly, I wouldn't want to even know what I weigh right now even if his scale were calibrated to weigh me in the same as mine does.

I got a 0.5cc fill before I left, too, taking me back up to 8.0cc.  I knew I should have pushed to go back up to 8.5cc, but I was nervous that I'd again have the problems I had around Thanksgiving and spend another vacation at Nick's house miserable with a band that's too tight (as I did in June).

Self-control is out the window.  Calories are off the charts.  Protein doesn't even register on the radar.  I have a fill scheduled for the Saturday after I get back, and I'm anxious to get back on track.  I doubt I'll hit the 100 pound weight loss mark by the time by Bandiversary hits, but I am determined to hit goal in 2011.  I just need to get out of this funk.

1 comment:

  1. Many of us are struggling with holiday eating right now. You're not alone. Just do your best. No one can do more. Try to get some exercise, even just a walk every day. Even if you choose to eat lots of holiday treats, start with the protein first. Drink lots of water. I am confident you'll get back on track and finish the banded year with huge losses!