Saturday, July 17, 2010

On track? Sure...

I'm disappointed with my weight loss since the "horrific fill" of May 29th. I recorded weight on May 27th at 282.2 pounds, and am now at 273.8 pounds this morning, a full 7 weeks and 2 days later. That's only a loss of 8.4 pounds. Yes, yes, I know that LapBanders are only expected to lose 1-2 pounds a week. Yes, I realize that losing 8.4 pounds in just a little over 7 weeks falls in that average. But, I know that my weight loss slowed down because of my "horrific fill" and inability to consume food for over a month. Since getting slightly unfilled over a week ago, I've used that as an excuse to chow down - I've had nachos, fast food, etc. - everything that got me into this LapBand fix in the first place. I'm lucky I haven't gained much, but I have been dancing back and forth between the same 2 pounds over the last week. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday to get slightly more fill put in, and I know that will help, but I believe this ultimately needs to come back to me.

Why am I diverting to the foods I shouldn't be eating? Didn't I get enough of those foods in the 29 years of life prior to the LapBand surgery? Just because I know what complete restriction does to my eating ability doesn't mean I need to self-sabotage just because I CAN eat those foods. My goal was to be 250 pounds by my 30th birthday...with 6 weeks to go and 23.8 pounds, I'm going to have to bust ass to lose 4 pounds a week to reach that goal. Yes, I realize it's lofty - but isn't that what goals are for? To be lofty, yet slightly attainable, in order to provide you the motivation to succeed?

Since buying a new laptop in May when my old one went kaput, I've been without my FitDay tracking friend. I tried their free website, but there's something about having the software and data on MY computer that makes me utilize the program more. I buckled down and spent the $29.99 today to get the program back and carefully logged in all of my old weights (thanks to the Ticker Factory site which displays my tickers above, I had a history saved!). I feel better about logging my foods again. It's been cleansing just to really look at what I'm eating. I don't normally make a habit of tracking foods (hasn't been necessary), but I think I really need to refocus myself for a bit. Wish me luck! 24 pounds in 6 weeks is no easy feat!

But if I could be 250 at my 30th birthday? Holy HELL...I don't even remember what that size looks like!

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