Thursday, May 27, 2010

I'm hungry.

It's time for another appointment with the doctor on Saturday, and I'm in the same boat I was 4 weeks ago at my last appointment - fill or no fill? Last time, I met with my favorite doctor and he decided that since I'm losing weight, I don't need a fill. He sent me on my way for the first non-fill appointment I've had. But, I feel the same as I did then and have a different doctor this Saturday. Let me tell you how I'm feeling, then help me decide if I should push for a fill or not:

1. I'm always hungry. ALWAYS. A protein shake for breakfast only satiates me for 30 minutes, max.

2. I'm losing weight - after the chaos of my May activities, I'm back to sleeping more, drinking my protein, etc....and I'm down about 4 pounds already this week. That's great weight loss. Overall, I've done well in the 4 weeks since my last fill. I don't know what I weighed then because my FitDay calculation program died with my last computer. I'll either buy the new program tonight or check out their free online version of the program because I miss tracking weight loss over time. At any rate, I'm losing weight, so that's not the issue.

3. I'm scared to eat - that's probably why I lose weight. Foods still get stuck (I'm at 8cc in a 14cc band right now) if I don't chew properly, eat slowly, etc. On the other hand, when I eat like I'm SUPPOSED to (right method, right foods), I do fine. But, I still haven't broken the brain's old habit of eating, and I find myself throwing up from time to time (Monday was the last time) because my brain wants to stuff my face while my LapBand tiny tummy can't handle it. I choose to say "no" to a lot of foods because I don't want them to get stuck - in all honesty, the foods I say "no" to are things I should say no to anyway (chips, thick breads, etc.)...maybe it's not a bad thing?

Put it all together, and I think I DO need another fill. I'm only losing weight because I'm consciously making the choice to eat less. Like I said in #1 (and in the title of this post), I'm ALWAYS hungry. I finally went to bed last night because my stomach hurt so bad from hunger...but, of course, I've trained myself not to eat late at night (Daris on Biggest Loser had that problem this season...).

My weight loss is great, but it's at the expense of me being hungry. And when I'm ravishingly hungry? I CAN'T stuff my face with anything because of my new stomach restrictions...trust me, I've tried...only to throw it back up because I don't focus on my eating. Shouldn't I not be starving all the time with a LapBand? Wasn't that one of the appeals? Hmm. What do you guys think?

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