Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hello again...remember me?

Been awhile since I've posted, and I'm still at 301.0 pounds. Since my last post, I've had a whirlwind of both life and emotions...finishing up with my students as we looked toward Spring Break, FFA Region finals in both debate and speech (no state qualifiers this year, unfortunately...but it's all over now!), CTA State Council and, FINALLY, Spring Break with my amazing boyfriend in his home in West Virginia. I swore off diet and exercise during Spring Break week, focusing just on enjoying myself with the love of my life who currently lives 2,400 miles away from me.

We had a blast throughout the week - mainly doing nothing, but enjoying our time together. We had a lot of good conversations, and I left Sunday night for an overnight flight to get me back home yesterday morning so I could head into work...and I'm still exhausted. Besides the physical exhaustion from the little, uncomfortable sleep I got on my flights to jumping back into my chaotic work life...I'm emotionally spent. I long to be with my boyfriend, and I absolutely HATE the distance between us. This week brought us even closer than we were before, and I'm determined to have us live in the same state before the year 2010 is up. It's surreal to have met him a little less than five months ago, and yet be so convinced that he's absolutely the one for me. It's, hands down, the best relationship I've ever been in, and he's absolutely just...amazing. I miss him incredibly, and it's been hard to find the motivation to do my job and live my life in the less than 2 days I've been back home in California. Ugh. I know the sadness will pass, and that we will see each other again in less than two months...I just...hate this.

On the flip side, the LapBand was mostly nice to me over the last couple of weeks despite not losing weight. For the most part, I ate horribly and was able to get foods down...with a couple days of exception. Last Saturday, while at CTA State Council and the breakfast buffet with my colleagues, I filled my plate with all sorts of glorious food. I knew I wouldn't eat everything I put on my plate, but at $25 a pop for the buffet, I was sure going to try eating bits and pieces of everything! I ate a piece of Italian breakfast sausage (yum!), no problem. I ate a bite of scrambled eggs, no problem. I ate a small bite of English muffin...set it back down on my plate...sat for a couple of agonizing minutes with my colleagues as I realized that the few bites I had already consumed were going to come back up. At that point, I rushed to the 4-star hotel bathroom and proceed to bring EVERYTHING back up. Ugh. For lunch that day? I loaded up my plate once again with the Italian buffet we were served for lunch...one bite, and I knew lunch wasn't going down. I put my full plate of food on the service tray, returned to the buffet line and got the server to scoop out broth from the soup for me...anyone know how much it sucks to have access to AWESOME food and not be able to eat it?! Saturday night is always a dinner somewhere in downtown LA with my local colleagues, and I was anxious to have some food. Lucky for me, the food went down fine...yay! I completely forget what I ordered, but I do remember feeling like I hadn't eaten in days after the stuck/vomit episode and forcing myself to take SMALL bites and CHEW CHEW CHEW. :::sigh:::

Story #2 - my last day with my boyfriend was Easter Sunday. We woke up lazily and decided to cook breakfast together - I made eggs with parmesan cheese and some bacon, he made croissants. I know I'm tighter in the mornings, but I hadn't had problems eating or drinking anything since I'd been in WV for the week (I even had some Dr. Pepper - it was so WEIRD to drink a carbonated beverage!). I took a bite or two of the things on my breakfast plate and then, stupidly, took a drink of the glass of water I had in front of me. Our nice breakfast together was instantly interrupted by me rushing to his bathroom to expel all of the water I had just gulped down...I was done eating. For lunch we headed to Dairy Queen to get some hot dogs (we both adore hot dogs and had never eaten them together - it was cute!) and we headed to a local park/river to enjoy the WV weather and eat. I barely got the hot dog down, taking small bites and removing portions of the bun along the way. Dinner? I attempted dinner while on my layover at the Washington D.C./Dulles airport...most restaurants were closed in my terminal, so I sat down at a pub and ordered a burger. First bite? Rough. I took all of the produce off of the burger. Second bite? Rough. I took everything off of the burger and grabbed a fork to chunk off a small piece of just the hamburger. Third bite? Rough. I finally decided I was done, paid the $16 tab to the waitresses who were freaking out that I wouldn't eat their food, and settled on some snack food on the plane which, thankfully, went down without a fight. Monday back at home was just as bad...ugh.

Bottom line? I'm home now. My life is "back to normal" whether or not I like living without him. I need to get back into my vitamin, protein shake, exercise, etc. routine and continue my weight loss journey. Spring Break is over - no more excuses. I actually had gained a few pounds over the break, but checked in back at 301.0 this morning. Blah - I had been at 299 or 298 right before I left for break (I forget now...), and I know I'll be right back under those 300's soon! Since I can't spend my entire life focused on how much I miss him and/or dreaming about how wonderful our life will be together, I know I need to focus back on me and finishing out the last 8 weeks of the school year.

And? I'm scheduled for another fill this week...not sure if I'll be getting one or not...these stuck episodes have been weird, painful and long lasting...but on days that I'm not stuck, I can eat plenty and still be hungry. I know, I know...getting back into the routine will help me sort out whether or not I need a fill. I've been a bad girl :)

5 comments:

  1. You can do it bestie! And just remember, the time away is merely Character building for the time when you two are soon to be together again :D

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  2. I can't imagine how rough it is to not live with the one you love. I get sad when I'm away from my hubby for a day lol. But you're a very smart girl and I'm sure you guys will figure out what's best for you all in due time. I feel your pain about the lapband. I've seen my mom throw up water, and not be able to get a single bite down so many times, I can't believe she's still heavy. She is opting for gastric bypass now as she has had the lapband for 2 yrs I think and is still over 200 lbs. I have no idea why it didn't really work for her.. I know two others who have it and one lost 60 lbs in 3 mths! The other, I didn't even recognize one year later.. I had no idea she got one and saw her. She was like a size 6 and the year before she was well over 200 lbs. I wish you the best on everything. You deserve it :) Just stay positive :)

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  3. Thanks guys :). Yes, Jess, it's super rough...but I know it's temporary! As for the band working, I'm down about 40 pounds since January...with a long way to go. But, I know that when I eat right, it works. I'll keep trekkin' on!

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  4. It definitely sucks having the person you love living so far away. My husband was living in Florida and I was living in Idaho the entire time we dated and were engaged. It was rough, so I feel for ya! Keep going strong!

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  5. I can relate to the long-distance relationship, and how hard it is. My now-husband lived in Greece. We actually met there one summer when I was in Greece visiting family. I actually ended up moving to Greece for a year before we both came back to the states. Woe is me...living on a remote Greek island for a year...ah, the things we do for love! ;o)

    Hope you guys get to live together soon!

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