Thursday, March 4, 2010

Newfound Inspiration.

I can do this, really. I described what not having restriction felt like to a friend today, in trying to describe my current frustration. It feels like I'm dieting and exercising to lose weight - if I was able to do that and maintain that lifestyle, I wouldn't have had a surgery that cost me money and time off of work. I got this LapBand to HELP me do this, and my frustration with not being at restriction is me being frustrated at having to do this work alone. But, my boyfriend is a solid rock of encouragement...him and I had a chat last night after I spent time in the LapBand chat room (meeting some awesome new friends!) and he reminded me that I can do this. I've been lax about counting my daily calories, lax on exercising, and lax about eating the right type of food. I've stopped in for fast food, I've devoured foods faster than I should, and I've grown apathetic to this "lifestyle change" that seems like, for now, is something I could've done without the LapBand.

But the key part in all of this? I did have surgery. I made the choice. It's a constant reminder that choosing the wrong foods and/or watching the scale maintain is a problem - for the first time in my life. I changed my next fill appointment to March 6th (originally scheduled for the 10th), and I know that this tool will eventually do what it's supposed to do. I've noticed some "stuck" feelings this week as I inhaled food instead of chewing it's a sign that restriction is near, I'm sure! In talks again today with my boyfriend, he urged me to work out tonight...I'm blessed to have such a positive force in my life that's behind me no matter what I weigh, and I know I have many other positive forces just like him (I just talk to him most! LOL!).

The frustration kicking in is the old "fat Joia" mentality - I'm hungry, work is overwhelmingly stressful lately, I want five chili dogs, and I want to sit here and be lazy all night. "Fat Joia" would have quit on herself already, because the going is tough. "Fat Joia" only lasted on a diet for a little while, but quickly ate her way back up the scale.

Difference is? "Fat Joia" went through months of tests and pre-op work and dieting to get the surgery, took time off of work and paid for this to happen. "Fat Joia" mentality - go away. Whether or not this fill on Saturday brings me to restriction, I have to remind myself that I'm only 2 months out of surgery and I'm close to having lost 30 pounds - awesome! Counting my calories, drinking water, taking my vitamins and working out is the way to go...and eventually? All that won't be a pain in my behind, it'll be a force of habit!

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