Monday, December 27, 2010

2010 is going to end...

...and I can't wait for 2011 to begin!  I've been in a major slump with my LapBand and weight loss for what seems like months, and I can't wait to get home from my vacation (only for weight loss purposes), start getting filled again in small increments and have this tool working for me again.  I also got a bonus tool for Christmas from my sisters - a bodybugg!  Anyone have one of these thingies?  I've been wearing it since I charged it on Christmas Day and it's been so neat to plug in and upload my calorie burn...I'm not doing ANYTHING (literally, I sit on my ass and play CityVille on Facebook all day while my boyfriend's at work...I'm not daring to drive his car in all of this snow - I'm a California girl!), but it's still fun to see how this thing works.  I burn almost 5 calories a minute when I help a little girl (Nick's oldest daughter) bake and decorate sugar cookies!

I really wanted the bodybugg - I'm tired of guessing my body's I eating too much?  Too little?  Enough protein?  Enough water?  With the initial stats I logged into the bodybugg's online program, it says I need to burn 2,900 calories a day and intake 1,900 calories for a daily 1,000 calorie deficit...that supposedly will get me to a goal of a 2 pound loss per week.  Even sitting on my ass I burn 2,900 calories a day according to this little doo-hicky on my arm and...1,900 FREAKIN' CALORIES A DAY?!  I haven't eaten that much on a regular basis in ages!  Even with my LapBand being too loose, I've still been a good girl...generally.

But, maybe starting to log my food for a little while, watching my caloric burn for each day go up as I head back to work next week and back to my normal level of "higher-than-sitting-on-my-ass-all-day" activity, I'll finally be able to figure out why I GAIN weight every time I exercise.  Maybe I'll be able to kick 2011 off with some actual weight loss again.  Maybe I'll finally hit my 100 pound weight loss.  My LapBandiversary will hit on January 7th, and the 100 pound loss isn't going to happen by then - I've resigned myself to that.  But, I *do* see 2011 bringing me to my goal weight at some point which is a fascinating thought...I'll be thin.  WTH is that?!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Not sure what I'm doing...

Going from a LapBand that's too tight to one that's too loose is, in a word, nightmarish.  I haven't eaten a healthy day in weeks because of the looseness that is my band.  I'm still not able to gorge down the quantities I could a year ago, but my LapBandiversary is coming up soon (January 7th) and I'm disappointed that all I seem to have been doing lately is gaining weight.  I'm just...hungry.  Couple that with the fact that I'm on vacation at my boyfriend's house - I don't even have the "I'm too busy to eat" excuse that usually helps me avoid foods/quantities that are bad for me.

Hell, I even dropped out of the Holiday Challenge at the final weigh-in because posting the picture of the scale with my current weight on it was just embarrassing to me.  I used to be SO GOOD at this weight loss thing - what happened?

I don't even know what I weigh right now.  I last weighed in on Sunday (last day of the challenge) and then hopped on some airplanes to get out here to West Virginia.  I could weigh in on Nick's scale, but, frankly, I wouldn't want to even know what I weigh right now even if his scale were calibrated to weigh me in the same as mine does.

I got a 0.5cc fill before I left, too, taking me back up to 8.0cc.  I knew I should have pushed to go back up to 8.5cc, but I was nervous that I'd again have the problems I had around Thanksgiving and spend another vacation at Nick's house miserable with a band that's too tight (as I did in June).

Self-control is out the window.  Calories are off the charts.  Protein doesn't even register on the radar.  I have a fill scheduled for the Saturday after I get back, and I'm anxious to get back on track.  I doubt I'll hit the 100 pound weight loss mark by the time by Bandiversary hits, but I am determined to hit goal in 2011.  I just need to get out of this funk.

Friday, December 10, 2010

And I'm feeling gooooood....

What a great week it's been!  Although I'm heading to the doctor again tomorrow (gonna get more fill put back in - I'm still starving!), it's been great to be over the TOM, lose ALL the pounds I gained last week plus some, and really concentrate on my self control!  Being at 7.5cc again is weird...I can still eat - not as much as I was eating at 6.5cc - but the hunger is still there.  Determined not to let my hunger and TOM get the best of me, and determined to lose the gain from last week, I've been on a mission!  As of this morning, I'm down to 240.2 (that's a loss of 4.2 pounds since Sunday!!), and I'm so STOKED to see the next decade!  Why?
  1. I'll finally hit my 100 pound loss!
  2. I'll hit my 30% total body weight lost.
  3. I'll hit the "Obese (Class 1)" category...only a little bit more until I'm just "Overweight."
  4. I'll have passed through the 240's decade in record time!
I've indulged in some guilty pleasures this week, but still have seen weight loss every day (yes, I'm a daily weigher) because I'm paying attention to the calories I'm consuming.  No, I don't track calories...but having a general idea in my head of what I've been eating every day sure helps me regulate what I'm doing!  I've also been good about remembering to bring my "jug o' water" with me each day to work...that sucker holds almost 60 ounces of water alone, and I've been chugging it down!  I also stocked up on some protein shakes and bars this week...the convenient ones that I can grab and go with...which have helped me increase my protein intake.  Honestly?  I'm loving having my head in the game...the results are SO worth it!

Even better, I'm determined to keep it up.  Having gained 3.4 pounds last week really sucked...I remember yo-yo dieting, and remember gaining and losing the same pounds over and over for years (don't we all?!).  I absolutely don't want to do that anymore.  While 3.4 pounds is minute in the grand scheme of things, the sheer thought of having to lose that weight twice just...sucked.  

I've learned (again) this week that life is too short to let negativity and unethical/immoral assholes get ya down.  I started this journey with surgery about 11 months ago, and did it for me.  I'm over halfway to my goal, almost down 100 pounds, and I'm going to finish this for me.  By the time I hit my 31st birthday in August 2011?  You won't recognize me, bishes. 

Aside: While leaving the apartment complex gym tonight (after doing 2.0 miles in 32:48 minutes...I'll get faster!), I ran into two of the complex managers I hadn't seen in awhile.  They were more than happy to see my weight loss and said they didn't even recognize me at first!  Yeeeeeeeaaa boy!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Wow...what a disappointing weigh-in!

It's been an interesting week going from "too tight to eat anything" to "too loose to eat everything."  For the most part, I DID eat right...perhaps in trying to eat right I ate too little?  Or, didn't focus on proteins?  I gained 3.4 pounds this week according to today's weigh-in for the Holiday Challenge.  I'm not happy with that, but I'll record the loss and move on to better things next week.

Anyone have "the shot" as their method of birth control?  I recently switched to this after being on the pill for 11 years...I was ready for the convenience that comes with it, and the "no periods" thing sounded pretty awesome to me.  I got my first shot almost 2 weeks ago, knowing that spotting/periods may come for up to the first 6 months.  Yesterday?  Aunt Flo arrived with a vengeance (yeah, TMI, but most of you are girls who read this anyway...why is that, by the way?  Do boys not blog?).  I suppose part of my weight gain this week can be explained by TOM as well - but, honestly?  I'm not looking for excuses.

Well, I kinda am.  I'm seeking some sort of validation here.  People who are actively trying to lose weight shouldn't gain 3.4 pounds in a week and not reflect on the "why" of it all.  After seeing my weight loss go up this week, I made sure to work out yesterday, drink plenty of water, get protein in, etc...only to see a gain this morning from yesterday.  I got a fill yesterday, too - I had the doctor put in 1cc of the 2cc he took out the previous Saturday, and I'll see him again next Saturday to see if we want to put even more in.  I'm still shocked that I was having issues at 8.5cc anyway, because that had normally been a fine fill for me.  Perhaps it was the stress getting to me?  At 7.5cc now, I'm still starving.  I'm gonna go eat now - and probably, consciously, not make a great eating choice.  I've already weighed in for this week, and apparently the good eating yesterday isn't what my body wanted, so I'm going to nourish my soul with some goodness!

Friday, December 3, 2010

I totally lied to you.

I ate french fries this week.  I had a portion of a fast food cheeseburger.  Old habits sneak back in quickly when your LapBand's loose, eh?  Oh well.  As of this morning I'm only up 2 pounds since last Sunday's challenge weigh-in...I'm hoping that being extra good today and tomorrow (especially since I'm getting a fill again on Saturday!) will help drop those two pounds...and maybe some extra to spare so I can actually report a loss for this week!

Know what the worst part about having a way loose band is?  I'm freakin' HUNGRY!  ALL.  THE.  TIME.  I forgot what hunger felt like!

Go LapBand!!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Just because you CAN eat...

...doesn't mean you should.  After dealing with more PB'ing and acid reflux last week (surprisingly, Thanksgiving was the only day I got food down successfully last week), I headed in to my doctor on Saturday morning and got 2cc removed from my band...WOW.  I am starving right now, and I have been since Saturday!  What a difference that unfill made - literally, I can eat breakfast, lunch and dinner...any food I want (I've been having bread, too!).  Of course, I've seen some gain since Saturday...but I'm determined not to let it get any higher.  I head back in this Saturday to get adjusted again - you can BET I'm getting some saline put back in!  As much as I've complained, and had problems with, being too tight...this being too loose thing is ridiculous!  I haven't been able to eat this much in months, and these hunger pangs are insane!  WOW.  Seriously.  I haven't felt hunger like!

I gave up on the doctor I'd been seeing.  Luckily, I had surgery through a practice with more than one doctor, and the doc I saw this past Saturday was pretty awesome.  He listened to what I had to say, had me drink water while he adjusted my band level, and offered to have me come back in a week if we took too much out.  The problem with being so stuck and reflux-y is that it took a whole 2cc being removed for me to feel any kind of chest/esophageal relief while drinking that damn water.  Being able to eat again, in larger than LapBand rules quantity, is like a temporary gift from God (for a fat chick).

Funny, though, that even though I've been eating some foods I normally wouldn't as a Bandster, I'm still motivated not to go buy the fast food, sit here and eat like a pig, etc. because I do NOT want to gain a bajillion pounds this week.  I worked hard for every damn pound I've lost - I do NOT want to have to do them over again!

Self-control?  Lessons learned?  Got my head aligned with the overall life change I committed to when I got the surgery?  Any way you spin it, the "incredibleness" of being able to eat doesn't feel so incredible to me.  I kinda miss restriction!

Friday, November 26, 2010

My First Thanksgiving...with a LapBand!

After being stressed out cleaning my house, getting through the closing days of school as a teacher before a four-day weekend (students are at 10% attention span, at best) and dealing with a potential missed flight from my boyfriend on the East Coast, all turned out well!  I was nervous about sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner at my dad's house yesterday, surrounded by 11 other people (including my boyfriend -yay!), because I had PB'd everything I'd eaten the two days prior...and I have no idea why!

Not only did I get the broccoli, cauliflower and pretzel sticks down that I moderately snacked on throughout the day, I also got down a LapBand-sized Thanksgiving dinner!  Yup, yup - a few ounces of turkey, a small scoop of mashed potatoes, two small pieces of sweet potatoes...and lots of gravy!  I even managed a small slice of both pumpkin pie and pumpkin mousse pie!  I was SO STOKED!  Not one PB the whole day (a blessing, really, since the skin around both eyes were so blood shot and ridden with popped veins from PB'ing the day before on dinner that my boyfriend thought I'd been beaten when I showed up at LAX to pick him up Wednesday night)!!

It was good to see family, great to spend time with my boyfriend...and the good times keep rolling!  Boyfriend and I drove the 4 hours home last night from my dad's house in San Diego...worked off some calories once we got to my house (:::giggles:::), and I get to keep him until Monday morning!

Step-mom sent us home with leftovers (I left the Cheery Apple Cherry Pie I baked for dessert at their house - I know I don't need that in my house!), and I had bought a rump roast to make crock pot drip beef while my boyfriend's's good eatin' at my house!  I hope the scale is still nice to me on Sunday's challenge weigh-in...I'll continue to work off this food with "long distance boyfriend in town" activities!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ugh...:::reminds self she's thankful:::...ugh.

I haven't had the greatest last week.  I developed a cough/runny nose thing that kept me up at nights (woke up coughing at least every hour last night) and no amount of water, drugs, chicken noodle soup or sleep has been able to cure it.  Added to that, my oldest cat nailed me last Monday - scared, she latched on with her claw to the skin between my thumbnail and...well, skin...and left a deep, gaping wound.  I've been treating it for over a week now and it's *still* sensitive - hit it twice tonight while trying to finish some housecleaning before Nick comes for the holiday...once so bad that I broke out in tears.

I probably wouldn't have cried if today hadn't have happened.  After the enormous lack of sleep I endured last night, I woke up not feeling well, but knowing that today was the "debate test" in both of my freshman classes, calling in sick to work wasn't an option.  I've been teaching them Parliamentary Procedure and today was the hour long test of their skills on various motions and debate, led and scored by me.  I grabbed a little food on the way to work and barely touched it...but near the end of 1st period, this is what transpired in my classroom:

Student A: Madam President.
Me: Student A.
Student A: I move to refer this motion to a committee.
Me: (while Student A is still standing) Hold that thought...actually?  Student C take over.  I'll be right back.
I proceed to run out into the hallway and PB into the nearest patch of dirt.
Me: (Back in the classroom).  Is there a second to the referral?
Student B: (awed/confused at what just happened) Um, second?

Yes.  As I said, I barely touched my food...and up it came.  As a result, I've had mild reflux throughout the day and just generally haven't felt well.  By the time 3rd period came around, I had had enough of today - between not sleeping, still coughing, tightness in my chest after the PB, etc...I called for a sub to take my last class (4th period) and I came home and slept.  Ugh.

I'm still not feeling better, but I leave tomorrow night to pick up Nick at the airport and we won't be back at my house until Thursday I had to get the bathroom clean, I'm still working on laundry, I've still got to clean my room and wash my sheets, gotta bake a "Cheery Apple Cherry Pie" tomorrow before hitting the road...oh, and teach 4 more classes tomorrow, one of which is getting a reward ice cream party (which I have to shop for before school tomorrow) because they brought in the most canned food items for the recent drive we had for the local homeless shelter.

Seriously?  I just need the next 24 hours to pass, my thumb to heal and my cold thing to go away.  Hard to be thankful on Thanksgiving when you're downright miserable.

To kickstart it?  I think I shall go to Java Detour, my favoritest coffee place on earth, right now and get a loverly blended Black & White Mocha.  After all, I could use the pick me up AND the calories today.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Another Sunday...

Thanks GOODNESS it's Thanksgiving this week (ya don't hear many LapBanders saying that, do ya?)!  Not only is it a short work week (two full school days - only one with any meetings after it - and a minimum day), but NICK IS COMING!  I haven't spent any real, alone time with my boyfriend since July...ugh.  I'm picking him up on Wednesday night in Los Angeles, we'll spend the night there, then head to my dad's house in San Diego for turkey day...then drive home to my house in Bakersfield on Thursday night so we can just be lazy and relax until he has to go home again once the weekend's over!  I asked him if he wanted to do Disneyland or anything "California-y" while he was here, but he's quite content (as am I!) with just laying around my house and being lazy.  The most exciting part of all?  We only have THREE WEEKS of school once he leaves, and then I get to hop on a plane and go spend two weeks with him - including Christmas and New Year's!  I've hated spending holidays without him, as they seem so empty when the one you love is miles away.  I'm very happy I get to spend the next three, major holidays by his side!

I'm also stoked about the weight loss I've had the last couple of weeks - 2.6 pounds in Week 1 of the challenge and 3.2 pounds this last week.  While they may not be super impressive numbers, especially when compared to some of the others in the challenge, I'm happy to say that these are the most consistent losses I've had in a long time.  I guess I need to keep my fill at 8.5cc and keep trekkin' down the Bandster road!  I haven't been perfect in my eating plan, indulging in way too many Starbucks holiday drinks and splurging on some nachos yesterday, but I'm happy with the loss!  And?  I'm SO CLOSE to 100 pounds lost - I'll definitely hit it before the end of the challenge!

Life is generally good, and I'm happy about that.  There is a light at the end of the many, proverbial tunnels of stress I endure, and I'm looking forward to finishing 2010 on a happy note...bring on 2011 and my goal weight!

P.S. I bought some Oikos Organic Greek Yogurt in two flavors, chocolate and caramel, because I've heard so many of you talk about it's high protein content.  After two bites?  I'll throw them all away.  EW!  I don't care if it's an acquired taste, if that's what you're going to say, I don't want to acquire that!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Protein IS the key...maybe?

What a weird week it's been for weight loss!  I got down to 245 earlier this week, only to see myself back up at 250 yesterday...then today?  Back down to 247.2.  Seriously, my body's weird.

Although - I think there's a direct correlation here between PROTEIN and weight loss...really.  I know it's not a new concept, but I saw it in action (I think) this week.  Early in the week, when I first started the Holiday Challenge, I recommitted myself (for the billionth time) to doing this thing right.  I had the protein shakes, I monitored calories, etc. - and I was down to 245 by Wednesday.  Confident in the almost 5 pounds lost since Sunday, I slacked on the protein Thursday and shake, even though I kept my overall calorie count low.  Frustrated at the 250.0 staring me in the face yesterday, I vowed to be a protein junkie for the day - despite the fact that I had 4 hours on the road with students round trip to an all day meeting.  I had a 17g protein shake for breakfast, a Venti Eggnog Latte from Starbucks after that, a 40g protein shake for lunch, and a piece of pizza and a garlic cheese  bread piece for dinner.  I finished the day with some Crystal Light and headed to bed early.  And, yeah, 247.2 this morning on the scale.  While it's an overall loss of 2.6 for the week, it's 2.8 from yesterday.  Insane...I think this "have at least 65g of protein a day" concept of LapBand rules may hold some merit.

Of course, there are a million reasons why my weight could have fluctuated this week...including the fact that I got both a flu shot and whooping cough shot on Thursday.  But, eh, c'est la vie.  Bring on week two of the challenge, and the 9 more pounds I have to lose before I hit my hundred pound mark!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I made a "vlog" on Sunday - yeah, where I sit in front of my laptop and pour out my soul, personality and quirks to all of you via webcam.  I had the great plan of uploading the video to YouTube (since the blogger platform kept getting errors), and then sharing it here so that you could witness who I was.  I had a plan of doing this every Sunday - both for my own enjoyment as I watched myself morph over weight loss time and for your enjoyment as you all got to see what a dork I really am.

Apparently?  A 10 minute video doesn't want to upload.  I've tried a few times on YouTube - even tried to begin the upload last night before I went to bed, only to find that it was 25% done this morning.  Now, yes, I could continue to let the video upload, but...who really wants to spend over 24 hours each week uploading a 10 minute vlog?  Um, not me.  Any suggestions on a program to record in that doesn't create such a gigabyte whore of a video?  This one clocked in at 6.21GB.  Goodness gracious!

For now, you'll have to deal with my typalicious you always have.  My endoscopy on Saturday went fine - the doctor was great and told me I had no ulcers, scarring, etc...he said, "Your band does look a little tight, though."  HA!  Isn't that what I said originally to my doctor?  Methinks he's going to get an ego bruising when he sees the results of the endoscopy.  They had to reschedule my barium swallow - originally on the 11th, it's now on the 18th.  I had planned to see my doctor again on the 17th to follow up and evaluate all of the test results, but that won't be possible now since the barium swallow won't have been completed by then.  Oh wellies!  Now that I've started to take some relaxation time for me (oh, and work has slowed down tremendously as we gear up for Thanksgiving!), my band has loosened up to the point where I can eat food again...I'm actually getting hungry throughout the day, but I've really started to pay attention to the following:

1. The band is just a TOOL - you're not hungry, Joia...get a straw, suck it up and realize it's your head talking to you.
2. Why haven't I been losing weight?  I was lying to myself saying that I "barely got calories in" everyday - I was enjoying 1-2 frappuccinos a day, not always asking for low-fat (as if those calories help either), and wondering how I would drink those, eat some food and not lose weight.  I've been tracking calories, kinda, since Sunday and realize that I've been consuming too much.

Since joining the "Holiday Challenge," I'm on a mission...seriously, I hate to lose.  While my numbers may not win me one of the top three prizes, I know that maintenance/weight gain is NOT an option - why was it an option before?  Why didn't I pull my head out of my ass and take a realistic look at what I was doing?  Duh.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Yay for the Holiday Challenge!

I've joined up with many other LapBand bloggers in the 2010 Holiday Challenge! We weigh in each Sunday (starting today) and will continue until December 19th - the top three contestants with the highest percentage of weight loss win cash prizes! I love Biggest Loser and have been in a weight loss/LapBand attitude slump lately, so I'm hoping this is the motivation I need to help me refocus on what's important in my life! Week 1?

Week 1

That's right - I'm in the 240's baby!!! WOOOOT! My goal is to hit my 100 pound loss by Christmas :)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Reflux, endoscopy & more, OH MY!

Wow...haven't posted in awhile, but I have also never been so busy in my life. I'm so busy I can't even find a "good" day to take a sick day just to catch up on my TV and relaxation! Ugh.

At any rate, band news? Horrible. I got a 0.5cc unfill a week after going back to 9.0cc, then saw my normal doctor a week later (the unfill guy was a new doc). My doc insists that I go to Los Angeles (111 miles each way) TWICE - once for an endoscopy and once for a fluoroscopy (they won't do them on the same day, bastards). He wants to make sure everything is still legit with my band since I've been playing the "fill, reflux, unfill" game since May. Ugh. Fine, I'll do what he says - but I'm back down to 8.5cc now, where I normally have no issues and can eat just fine, but I'm constantly tight, eat very little portions of mushy food and tend to have reflux in the mornings (like now). WTH?! I'm going to chalk it up to stress, because that's really all my life has been since heading back to school in August - if it's not one thing, it's another. Just further proves to me that I need to get out of the three full time jobs I have (teaching, FFA Advisor and union leader) and find ONE that I can focus on - I need me back.

At any rate, I'm off to LA today for my endoscopy - no eating/drinking since 9am this morning, which isn't an issue because I'm too tight and reflux-y to eat anyway. I was told I should expect to be at the hospital for 3-4 hours (for a 15 minute procedure?!?), but have plans to meet up with an old friend afterwards...pending how I'm feeling. I have to head back to LA on Thursday (we have a day off for Veteran's Day...ideally, I wanted THAT day COMPLETELY such luck) for the fluoroscopy.

Me? I'm just tired. Tired of missing my boyfriend (lives 2,400 miles away), tired of reflux, tired of not being able to eat, tired of being so's not even the hours I spend working that bothers me, it's the keeping track of a million things between my classroom, students, FFA program and union...focusing on one sure would be nice for a change! We'll see how that goes...

/bitchy rant.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Me and 9.0cc just don't get!

It's round 3 with 9.0cc in my band after my fill on Wednesday, and I thought life was good! Since Wednesday I've been sticking to mostly liquids, but popping in a granola bar here and there (I keep them in my desk at work for when I have the munchies) and I managed to eat a LapBand portion size of steak last night without PBing (I'd been eating a TON more than that without issues prior to this fill). I was happy...

...until this morning. Up early, I headed to the gym to take my first Zumba class (which kicked my ASS but was SO FUN!). I got to the gym an hour before the class started, so I hopped on a treadmill and then a bike machine to do some light cardio. Not twenty minutes into it, my acid reflux came back. WTF?! I had an unfill about a month ago because my doctor thought acid reflux was caused by my band being too tight. I've lost weight since then, slowly, and my portion sizes have been huge! I figured I had finally lost enough internal weight to HANDLE 9.0cc! Why did I get the reflux from working out? All I had had prior to that was water...and I brought water with me...WTF!?!

I suffered with the mild reflux through the Zumba class and, later, when I got home. I was exhausted from not sleeping much last night so I took a nap when I get home. I wake up? Reflux is still there. The doctor had told me to come back in two weeks - if my reflux had come back, he'd take some of my fill out (again!) and get some tests run on me to make sure everything's okay in LapBand world. UGH.

I just had a great time puking up bile and acid into my toilet...yeah, it got so bad I started gagging and had to let it go. I had to actually go walk outside, in the fresh air, to stop the gagging. UGH.

Seriously - this sucks. Any advice from y'all? I thought about calling the doctor's office and running over there for an unfill, but I'm going to stick it out - maybe the steak 48 hours after a fill wasn't a good idea? We shall see how this goes...I'm not due in the doc's office again until October 27th.

It's all about the climb...

Reading your blogs tonight reminded me that we all need to celebrate the successes we've had thus far in our journey, in our lives, etc. And? I put my name "SingingLapBander" to work and recorded this lil' ditty take on Miley Cyrus' "The Climb." Enjoy!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

And I'm feeling good!

After the food binge of this weekend, thanks to a loose band, here are my stats:

October 5th - 255 pounds
October 11th - 259.2 pounds
October 12th - 258 pounds
October 13th (today) - 255 pounds

YAY! I lost those 4.2 pounds I gained from the eating binge! Better yet? I go for a fill today so I hopefully can't HAVE another eating binge...obviously, my self control sucks. I didn't even eat that MUCH compared to what I could have scarfed down in a weekend a year ago...but it was a lot compared to what a Bandster should/can eat when they're accurately filled. I'm trying like hell to lose 5 more pounds to reach my goal of 250 by CTA State Council (October 21st)...maybe I'll get there?! 5 pounds in 8 days is usually a huge ordeal for any Bandster, but I'm still thinking I can pull it off...especially after a fill today.

But? I'm nervous about this fill. I'm going back up to 9.0cc today - that's the fill I've ALWAYS had problems with. Will I be too tight again? Will the acid reflux come back? I haven't been to the doctor in 4 weeks, and that last time was to get an unfill from 9.0 to 8.5 because of the severe acid reflux that came on. Wish me luck with 9.0 (for the 3rd time...3rd time's a charm, right?)!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Deeper Look Within

I've been MIA from reading, commenting on and writing blogs for some time now because of the insanity that was my work schedule for the past month. I finally took some time this morning to read some blogs of yours (not all of them - sorry!), and I vow to keep better track of your lives. I'm always amazed at the depth of sharing, the closeness we all feel to a cyber world of people going through the same, daily struggles we all face...even though I don't have children, I'm not married, etc...I know that someday I will be, and the lessons I've learned/stories I've read on your blogs will keep me truckin' on through. It's the same with maintenance - I'm not there yet (still about 75 pounds to go), but seeing your pictures, the cute clothes you get to wear, the hot boots, etc...I long for the day when I, too, will get to share the same, emphatic stories about how far the LapBand has taken me.

It's then that I realize how far I've come already. Yesterday's before/during pictures really made me wake up to what 83 pounds looked like on my body. Most days? I still feel fat. I still feel like it looks like I've lost no weight at all - but, then again, that's my mirror image of the fat girl who's always stared back at me. While looking back at some weight loss progress pictures yesterday (I took some that have me wearing next to nothing - for my own perception, not yours! LOL), it hit me for the first time how big I really was at 338 pounds. Hell, I saw a picture yesterday that I took in April in just a bra and panties...back then I had already lost about 40 pounds. I told my boyfriend on the phone last night, "I was SO BIG, and I never even saw it." Although today I still have the bat wings on my arms, I still have rolls in my belly, and I'm still over 250 pounds...good LORD is there a huge difference between the girl I was a few months ago and the girl I am today. I have to celebrate that, even though I'm often depressed about the weight not coming off faster and the poor food choices I make.

In reality, I've had one foot out the door since I left my boyfriend's house in July this summer - with my career, the life I've built up in the last 7 years, etc. Turns out? I let myself go - my LapBand, my house, my life...I haven't had the weight loss I've wanted because I still don't work out, I still choose the wrong foods, I didn't go for the fill two weeks ago when it was scheduled (I had 3 pieces of pizza and 2 breadsticks last night for dinner - gasp!), etc. My head has been OUT OF THE GAME. Thank god for days off - yesterday was my first one in over a month. Instead of falling in and out of sleep, lazily, around my house, I chose to take care of some errands (including getting air in my car tires that desperately needed it!), clean my house, work out on the treadmill for a bit and, basically, re-ground myself. I commented to my boyfriend last night that "I feel like a grown up again." I do.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

You really don't notice until you see pictures...

I was feeling good about the size 20 tops and bottoms I bought today so I could start going to Zumba's a far cry from the 26/28 bottoms and 3-4X tops I bought when I started this process. I decided to take some pictures to show off my weight loss progress on Facebook:


Of course, there are many things I still don't "LOVE" about my body now...but with 83 pounds down and 75 to go, I think there's a WORLD of difference here! Geez...just look at how unhappy I was taking a fat "before" picture - and that was when I was already down about 15 pounds! I'm loving this band :)

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Look at that ticker up there...yay! While I'm not at a significant number or anything, I've officially lost more than I've left to lose! Wooooohoooo! It feels good to know I'm over halfway there :). My average rate of loss is 2.1 pounds a week - still not bad! I need to remind myself that I AM doing well whenever I'm having a fat day or a "slow loss" week. As long as the scale still goes down, I'm accomplishing great things!

In addition? I'm not around much until after October 3rd. My students and I will be hauling all of their livestock and equipment to our county fair tonight (biggest junior livestock show on the west coast), and we'll be "living" at the fair until it's over. Early mornings, long days, heat, exhaustion, least I'm bound to lose some weight with all this walking around!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Renewed spirit!

Thanks to reading MrsFatass' blog post today, I've realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and lack of weight loss. What lack of weight loss? I've lost damn near 80 pounds in 2010! How many people WISH they could say that?! So, I end my Friday/start my Saturday with a quick list of things that make me awesome:

1. I've lost almost 80 pounds, dawg! Whut whut!
2. I have an amazing career, and it looks like I'll be taking a step up in the next month!
3. I have the man of my dreams who loves me with everything he is.
4. I'm a hot bish. Really. Even at ~259 pounds. I got me da sex appeal!
5. I love myself - always have!
6. My friends and family are supportive of every choice I've made (except smoking).
7. I'm college educated, and, even though I'm still paying for it, I'm proud of that.
8. My name's unique...just like me!
9. I am an independent woman who doesn't need to rely on anyone to pay my bills.
10. My kitty cats love me :).

I could go on, but I'll stop with the infamous Top Ten reasons. Bottom line? It's okay to "whine/complain" when my band isn't right, in the hope that I can gather wisdom and advice from all of you...but my blog has been more about negativity and less about the blessing I call my life! No mas!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Depressing? Maybe.

Out of curiousity, I went back through my weight chart and noted how long it took me to pass each "decade" of weight I've hit so far:

December 31, 2009 – Began at 338.2 pounds
January 7, 2010 – Hit 328.6 ~One Week (Pre-Op Diet)
January 23, 2010 – Hit 319.2 ~Two Weeks
March 1, 2010 – Hit 308.4 ~One Week
March 19, 2010 – Hit 299.6 ~Two Weeks
May 6, 2010 – Hit 289.8 ~Seven Weeks
June 6, 2010 – Hit 279.4 ~Four Weeks
July 27, 2010 – Hit 269.8 ~Seven Weeks
September 15, 2010 – Hit 259.6 ~Seven Weeks

I remember being frustrated when I stayed in the 270's for so long - that took about seven weeks, and it felt like an eternity. What I notice, though, is that it's taken me about seven weeks to lose EACH SET of ten pounds since I've had Band issues (beginning in late May). Yikes! With the weight I've lost so far, my average weight loss is still 2.13 pounds a week. If that average loss can stay above 2.0 pounds a week, I'd be a happy camper! I still can't believe I've lost almost 80 pounds...while I know I still have quite a long road ahead of me, and that the pounds are coming off slower now, I know that I need to celebrate how far I've come. In the next day or two (I'm guessing), I'll hit the "50% of excess weight lost" mark...which not all LapBanders accomplish. I'm glad I'm, so far, turning out to be a "results not typical" kinda gal, and I only hope I can endure for another 80 pounds until I get to my goal!

My goal...weird. I have no clue what I'd look like at 238 (100 pounds lost), let alone 200...or even the "goal" I set of 180. It's bizarre having been overweight for your entire adult life, because I truly have no clue what any of those weights look like on me - I can't even remember ever weighing as low as I do now (although, obviously I some past, long time ago lifetime!). But how do I feel? Fat. I feel like the slower weight loss - that I knew was bound to come - is dragging me down with it. I know much of it is the fact that I had so many ISSUES with the band, being too tight for the better part of the last 3 months. I hope that I'm on the right track again, that I continue to make the right choices, and that I can kick up the weight loss once again now that my band is working WITH me (knock on wood)!

P.S. - My current goal is to hit 250 before the first CTA State Council session of the year (October 22). That is...if I don't have a different job by then that causes me to resign from Council...

Thousand Word Thursday!

Join in the fun and discover this week's topic here!

I'm joining in for the first time, but Amy wants to know our favorite piece of jewelry and why it's our favorite...well, let's start with a picture...


While these may look like a basic pair of diamond earrings to you, they're really special to me - not only do they go with everything (I actually had to take them off to get a picture), they were part of a wonderful and sweet gift my amazing boyfriend got me for our first Valentine's Day as a couple. To this day I don't know HOW he managed to scrape together the money to buy these, and, to be honest, they're the only jewelry I have that's real...while I buy cheap jewelry normally and wear whatever I've got, he said I deserved real jewelry and I was blown away when I got these. Cute story? He added my friends to his Facebook so that he could survey them on the appropriate jewelry to buy for me that I would like...then sent these along with other Valentine's Day goodies (including a handmade card that he BURNT himself making as he soldered one of it's pieces - too awesome!). He was concerned about a mailman potentially seeing the diamond earrings in their box and stealing them, so he wrapped them up in a DIAPER. Ha! I love this man, I truly do - and these earrings are a daily reminder of how amazing the man I have in my life really is!

Amy - did I do this right?!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

What happens when your band is too tight?

I'll tell sucks. Back in June I experienced a band that was too tight - lots of PB'ing, not being able to eat, etc. And I thought THAT was bad?! It's been quite the few months with this LapBand...ugh. I got to the point after my last unfill that I couldn't eat in the morning/afternoon, but was eating like a cow by night. I figured 9.0cc was perfect for me, right? Wrong. Over the last week I've had MAJOR issues with that 9.0cc again. It got to the point where (a) I was having severe acid reflux - which I've never had before and (b) I put myself on a liquid diet because even the TINIEST amount of food was tough to swallow. I've been in pure hell.

So today? I was scheduled for a fill...after telling the doc about not being able to eat anything on top of the acid reflux, he agreed with the research I'd band was too tight. So? I'm back down to 8.5cc. Just had a cup of pudding and...:::ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:::. I feel a million times better!

AND?! I got to the 250's this morning! I checked in at 259.6...we'll see if I can maintain that now that I'm able to eat again :). I'm hoping that the starvation from the last few days will counteract the food I'm going to eat today, and I'll FINALLY be out of the 260's!! Man, these decades seem to go slower and slower the farther I get into this!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

An award...for me?!? Thanks Lena!

Well goodness gracious me! I received such an uplifting award today!!


The rules are as follows:

1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

Wow...I tend not to regret anything I've done in my life, because all of those instances in life made me who I am today. BUT, if I HAD to change something? I'd change the way I (mis)managed my money in my 20's. I wasted a lot of money on late fees and interest rates because I was stupid. Glad that lesson is learned, even if it took over a decade to overcome it!

2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.

kagead - Her blogs always make me stop and think about the life I'm leading with my LapBand...and outside of that!

Amy - Banded just a little before me, her blog is so relative to my experience - and she's a hell of a motivator!

Vickie - For her motivational support - she's that little bit extra!

Grace - Seems like she reads/comments more than anyone else on my blog, and she always knows what to say to make me feel great about whatever struggle I'm going through at the moment!

Amanda - I just love her. Really, she's awesome.

Amy - My favorite blogger - I stalk her, really. She's been a constant source of entertainment and inspiration since I started blogging, even though I haven't ever "talked" to her outside of leaving a comment here and there. I absolutely hope I show the passion and zest for life she does, and I can only DREAM of looking like her someday!!

There are SO many other blogs I read/love/draw inspiration from...but the damn thing only asked me for six!

3. You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award.

Lena = Rock Star. Thanks so much for thinking of me!

Monday, September 13, 2010

I've GOT to figure this out!

I'm absolutely just...frustrated. I'm not losing weight (bouncing back and forth between the same few pounds), I'm either not able to eat or able to eat a ton (depending on the day), and overall frustrated with what my body's not doing. I'm not losing sizes/inches either, so it's definitely not a "phase" my body's going through.

BUT - I'm also not working out, not counting my calories, not getting enough protein and not drinking enough water. Yeah, I'm *not* doing everything I should be doing when you hit a plateau.

So? I've got a double serving size protein shake already blended and in a "to go" cup to take with me tomorrow morning - 220 calories and 60g of protein, bishes! I've got a 12 hour work day tomorrow, so I've already packed up a lunch box full of food to eat throughout the day (910 calories and 21g of protein). Question is - will my body let me eat it all? Since I actually KNOW what I am putting into my body, we'll see if it's just the same problem I had back in June when I was too tight - my body is starving (my boyfriend says I'm not eating enough...he could be right!). I've got long days ahead of me most of this week, so I'll continue counting every calorie and gram of protein this week to see if I'm actually on par with food.

The fill I cancelled two weeks ago? I rescheduled that appointment for this Wednesday - the way it's been going, I definitely don't want another fill. I haven't PB'd in a loong time, but I do slime often from eating just a little amount of food (less than what even the LB doctors would recommend). There are nights, yes, where I can scarf down an impressive amount of food for someone with a LapBand, but that's turned out to be the exception and not the rule.

I want to work out, really. I picked up the class schedule of the gym I belong to last Monday so I could schedule in some classes into my life and get a routine going...then two days later I accidentally spilled a bad chemical on me while demonstrating a lab to my sophomores (bottle exploded) and I have a bad chemical burn on my shins and right foot which is still healing. The couple of times I've attempted socks/tennis shoes in order to keep my foot as clean as possible? Ouch. Burning sensation back and my epidermal burns flare up. Unless the gym starts up a policy that barefoot = ok for Zumba and cycling classes? I'm down for the count. Luckily, my every day life is pretty mobile, so I'm not worried about being "sedentary" as my reason for the plateau.

I'm just...sick of being in the 260's. I was rockin' 10 pounds of loss a month and feeling pretty good about myself for awhile. It just hit me, though, that I've now passed the 8 month mark and am holding steady at 74-76 pounds of loss, depending on the day. ARGH! Weight loss? Please come back.

Monday, September 6, 2010

At a crossroads...

I know things take time when it comes to weight loss...but I'm more than frustrated with where this month has gone. Initially, I was doing great! Losing weight, making healthy choices, convinced that the 9.0cc of fill I had was appropriate...

...that's out the window. I've fluctuated between 261 and 264 for what seems like weeks now (in reality, I have no clue how long it's been). What's going on? Here's what I know:

1. I can barely eat in the mornings, but can eat a cow by the time night comes around.
2. I'm not drinking enough water - despite having tons of water bottles and bottled water around me. I've been making the conscious choice in the last couple of days to rectify this, and I hope I continue to do so.
3. I'm not working out - and I have a gym membership (have had once since October of last year). In fact, I've NEVER used this gym membership, despite paying $39.99 a month. Lemme tell ya? That's one expensive plastic keychain tag. I stopped by the gym today to pick up their class schedule (YAY Zumba!) and to ask questions about how to "use" the gym...even put the classes into my calendar...let's go work out!

I guess...I just don't know? I try to make healthy food choices (they're a HELLUVA lot better than the choices I made a year ago), but even eating large quantities of healthy food get you in trouble with your weight.

I feel like I don't want a fill - I still have issues with some foods, and steer clear of others because of the problems I know I've had. Am I lying to myself? Should I be eating those foods I'm having problems with anyway? Am I REALLY taking small bites? Probably not - on both of those. I had a fill scheduled for last Wednesday, but rescheduled it for next Wednesday. Hmm.

I'm about 8 months out of surgery now and feel like I'm in a LapBand slump. Weight loss/gain back and forth, filled to the point where I don't *want* another fill but feel like I *should* have one...I don't know what to do. Motivational peoples? Join in here.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I'm 30 now...and need to blog.

Wow - I guess heading back to school is just as exhausting for the teachers as it is for the students! My first week back to work wasn't stressful or anything, but getting back in the habit of waking up so darn early (and then staying up late to talk to my boyfriend on the phone) sure is draining...add to that the fact that I also had to get up early yesterday (on a SATURDAY...also my 30th BIRTHDAY) to take my FFA officer team to an all day retreat...dude, I was exhausted. So exhausted that the officer retreat ended up being my 30th birthday celebration in it's entirety. Originally, I had some friends who wanted to take me out to dinner, but that fell through. I ran a couple of errands after the officer retreat and came home...ended up passing out early-ish and sleeping for ten hours! Guess I needed it, eh?

The 30th birthday came and went without too much fanfare, obviously. My Facebook was blasted all day with birthday messages, which made me feel loved, and the gifts/cards I got in the mail from family were welcomed with love and appreciation. I guess it's bizarre, even after eight years of living in this town, that my only real *friends* are colleagues. I lost my interest in random partying years ago, so my only friends in town are fellow teachers/union leaders who are married with kids and have their own lives. Treating myself with my favorite nachos and taquitos from a local mexican joint (which took a pretty massive PB to get down - worth it, it's my birthday dammit!) while catching up on DVR'd shows with my kitty cats seemed like a pretty calming and relaxing way to spend the evening.

Beyond that, I was in a funk of sorts. I'm convinced that my boyfriend is someone I want to be with for the rest of my life, and having him 2,400 miles away at his house just doesn't make celebrating anything alone worthwhile. Also, the fact that I *had* to work on my 30th birthday, surrounded by some colleagues I've lost interest in (thank god my students were there - we had fun together!)'s time for a career change...or SOME kind of change. I had another interview on Friday for a staff position with the California Teacher's Association and will find out Tuesday if my life is about to change. I'd have to move, give up my titles of agriculture teacher, FFA advisor, all of the elected union positions I hold, etc. But - I welcome the change! I'm excited to really *start* my life, as it feels that the last 8 years of my career have been preparation for what I really want to be doing...and knowing that my boyfriend is with me every step of the way really confirms that not only do I want to be DOING something different with my life, but that I want to spend it with him.

:::sigh::: So...happy 30th birthday to me!

P.S. My weight has been stable over the past week, clocking in yesterday at the weight you see on my blog above. My nacho/taquito binge fest last night brought me up 0.8 pounds this morning, but I'm not counting it! Better than slamming down cake and ice cream, right? And those 0.8 pounds will be gone in the next day or two...bring on the 250's!!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Are you SERIOUS?!

I woke up today to an insane loss...yay for the hell of the fill/unfill over the last two days being good for something! Today? I hit it!


WOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Let's keep this fat-free gravy train running :)

The Result...another unfill.

After yesterday's 0.5cc fill...I was in hell. Chest tightness, barely able to drink liquids, constant hiccup/burping...I even had some acid reflux going on, ugh. By 11am this morning, I had had enough and called my doctor. The receptionist said "Yeah, that's not right...can you come in now?" Yup! Lunch break was soon approaching, so I headed over to the office on my lunch and the doc took the 0.5cc back out, taking me back down to 9cc again. What IS it with the 9cc?! If you've followed my blog, you know that 9cc killed me back in June...I've now been doing well back at 9cc over the last couple of weeks, but that extra 0.5cc yesterday...ugh.

I'm feeling better now - chest tightness has mostly subsided, I can *sip* liquids again (a big gulp makes me go *ugh* again), and I now need to just wait for my insides to recover from all of the swelling of the fill/unfill in 24 hours to see if I can eat again. Theoretically, I SHOULD be fine...because the unfill took me right back to where I started yesterday when I thought I needed a small fill due to large portion sizes.

Perhaps I should just stay at 9cc for awhile and use some willpower to decrease portion sizes? I've got to remember that the band is a TOOL, not a magical cure all to my obesity!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Ugh...PB and a fill...

Today has not been a very good LapBand day. Is she mad at me for going back to work? The wedding this weekend was great fun, and it was awesome to have my loving boyfriend by my side. But since I've been home? I've been able to EAT...and, as a result, have gained a few pounds in as many days.

Obviously, I was looking forward to my fill today - just wanted a little bit to make the large portion sizes/weight gain go away. But today? My band was in a seriously bad mood.

I skipped breakfast - whoops. Went for a Java Chip Light Frappuccino at Starbucks on my way to the first teacher inservice meeting of the problems there. At lunch time, the men in my department invited me to join them for lunch at a pizza place - I ordered a thin crust chicken pizza. Knowing it wouldn't be the best food for me to eat (but lettuce is bad on my band, so a salad is out...and bread is no bueno either, so a sandwich or calzone was out)...I grabbed a fork and knife and started to tear apart little pieces of the pizza. After a few bites (literally, less than 1/4 of a tiny slice of a personal size pizza), I knew I was done. I boxed up the rest and enjoyed the conversation with my colleagues...only to run to the bathroom with that "ohemgee I'm gonna vomit!" feeling half an hour later. Yup, the few bites I ate came back up in full force! Ugh. I left with the iced tea I had bought and sipped on some of it during our next meeting...only to end up with embarrassingly LOUD hiccups...nice. Got to explain that one to my surrounding colleagues and boss!

After the un-enjoyment of the afternoon, it was off to get a fill. Like I said, I HAD been looking forward to it...the doctor gave me another 0.5cc (he wanted to take me straight up to 10cc, but I told him that scared me!) to bring me up to 9.5cc. I sipped the water he gave me to test the prob. I walked out of the office with a little hiccup and headed across town to my next meeting, stopping to buy my traditional post-fill milkshake.

UGH. Every sip of the milkshake made my band gurgle, my mouth start to slime, etc. I finished about 2/3 of the milkshake inside of the 2 hour meeting...then threw it away. A MILKSHAKE?! Are you kidding me?

I'm sure the stress of the earlier PB combined with a fill is pissing off my band, but I'm now on liquids until tomorrow...gonna stick to non-creamy (read: not a milkshake) liquids and see if my band feels better tomorrow. I remember what it feels like to be too tight all too well...I'm heading back into the doc if I can't handle this fill!

But, it's also that TOM...I've heard bands are tighter then. Could this reaction to the milkshake just be a horrible triple whammy of TOM, PB'ing lunch and a fill?! Thoughts?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Time for a wedding!

It's been a long week for me, as I've fought a pretty bad cold since last Friday. I'm not 100% yet, but even a trip to the urgent care doctor did nothing for me...he gave me no meds and told me just to get plenty of rest and fluids. Ugh. Funny aside, though - I hadn't been to urgent care in almost two years and had to update my records...I realized that the only docs I've seen in the last year have been LapBand related! It was pretty important for me to get well as quickly as possible...why?

My sister Jennifer got married a year ago in a court house, but Saturday is her big ceremony and reception! Not only do I get to be the maid of honor (which means I get to do the obligatory roast...ugh, I mean the reception), but I'm also doing the flowers for the wedding, singing Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This" as she walks down the aisle AND picking up my wonderful boyfriend tonight at the airport so he can meet my family and celebrate with us! I GET TO SEE NICK! Man, this whole 2,400 miles apart thing sucks. So, I needed to be well for singing, "close time" with Nick (he can't afford to be sick right now, since he's using sick days to fly out for the wedding)...thank god I'm starting to feel better!

Weight loss has been great this week, though, since I haven't eaten much! I've been living on robitussin, Theraflu, sleeping, water, OJ (with calcium and Vit. D!), my facial steamer...I even tried putting pools of Hydrogen Peroxide into each ear and letting them sit - read that wives tale online. I've been sick now for six days, so I don't think anything is quite doing the trick alone, but they seem to be helping altogether! Let's hope Nick thinks I'm well enough for the "long-distance sucks so we make up for it when we see each other" time :).

See ya after the festivities!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

She sings!

Although it's been a long time since I've talked about the fact that I sing (um, first post), I thought it was time to share the origin of my blogger name (SingingLapBander) with all of are some performances of mine on the website I sing on:

"Roxie" - from the movie Chicago
"The Lonely Goatherd" - from The Sound of Music
"Big Spender" - Shirley Bassey
"Tik Tok" - Ke$ha
"Summer Nights" - Grease (me AND my boyfriend!)


Saturday, August 7, 2010

It's my Bandiversary...7 months :)

What a crazy seven months it's been! I look at my overall weight loss (69 pounds), and I'm pleased with an average just shy of 10 pounds a month. I'd love to keep that average! But, this morning I made the mistake of looking at how much I weighed when I said goodbye to my students at the end of the school year (June 3)...probably because I'm about to see all of them and my colleagues again in about a week and a half. Ugh. I've only lost 12 pounds since June 3 - that's an average of about 6 pounds a month! I don't like that one. I have to remember that the scale is still going down, and that's a good thing!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Hmmm. Smart doctor!

I've been doing a lot of nothing...and that includes my weight loss. After celebrating some victories last week, I've regained a couple of those lost pounds through poor eating choices and overall lack of movement. In a word? I've been lazy. As much as I'm dreading going back up to 9cc at my fill appointment today (where I PB'd and was stuck for over a month), I think it might be the way to go. My portion sizes are large, I'm making horrible food choices (not as bad as pre-op, but bad for a Bandster), and I'm finding that the 1,000ish calories a day I'm aiming for aren't keeping me satisfied throughout the day. Ugh. I guess I'll let him take me back up to 9cc and see how it works out for me - gotta remember to take smaller bites! The difference in the fill this time, though, is that I know how miserable it was to live with my band so tight. I'm not on vacation (in fact, I head back to work in two weeks), so it'll be a quick trip to the doctor if I find I'm not ingesting as much food as my body needs to lose weight. Having a band that's too tight not only decreases the amount of food I can ingest, but also zeroes out the weight loss as my body starves for nutrition. So with this fill? I have some goals:

(1) Take smaller bites. Honestly, I scarfed down a quesadilla and two tacos after drinking with friends last night - without a problem. I should never have been able to get all of that down, especially with the bite sizes I took (HUGE!).

(2) Choose healthier foods again. My newest discovery and addiction is a coffee place called "Java Detour." They sell 32 oz. frappuccinos. Need I say more?!

(3) Get moving again. I stopped my "Couch to 5K" training because my left knee twisted after my W2D2 left knee is my GOOD knee, after having surgery on my right knee in college for a torn ACL and meniscus. Yeah, I'm not blowing the other knee. Obviously, my almost 270 pound body is too much for my knees to be running on - but that's not an excuse to sit on my ass and play Frontierville on Facebook all day. Luckily, work starts up in 2 weeks and my physical activity will naturally increase.

(4) Take my vitamins. My grandma bought me a 90-day supply of VitaBand vitamins for Bandsters back in late January...I still have nearly half a bottle left. BAD JOIA!

I think my doctor was right 2 weeks ago when he told me he wanted to take me to 9cc today. I was scared then, knowing what 9cc did to my body in June. But I feel confident in that decision of his, and I'm heading to his office in about half an hour...I think he did it the smart way, though, by taking me there gradually and letting me come to the realization that I needed to be there. Smart doctor ;).

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

"The road to success... dotted with many tempting parking places." I knew that coming out of the 270's would be a big moment for me, because I hit my 20% total loss goal AND exited the "morbid obesity" category of the BMI index. I'm proud to welcome the 269.8 weight on the scale this morning, because that means I've conquered both of those goals! And, let me tell feels AWESOME to finally see a number out of the 270's! I was stoked when I entered the 270's, but...seriously? That was June 6th! My weight loss rate is still pretty good/average, but it can be very frustrating to see the same decade for over a month and a half! Hello 260's...please don't keep me as long as your neighbor did!

As thrilling as it was to lose 4.8 in this last week, I know that this isn't a "parking place," as the quote I started my blog today with mentions. I've had a great week of weight loss, hit two big goals...but there's still much work to do! "The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't." - Henry Ward Beecher I choose NOT to have a strong won't. I credit my big weight loss this past week to two things: starting C25K last week and finally getting a restrictive fill (that doesn't kill me to eat) last week. I feel like I'm finally empowered to do this the RIGHT way, and I look forward to W2D2 of my C25K training later today! I CAN do this, and the reaffirming numbers on the scale only serve to increase the pride I have inside.

250 by my 30th birthday on August 28th? Always been a lofty goal...but I know that whether or not I hit it, life is good and will continue to be so! Just gotta keep my head in the clouds :)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Finally, a picture with clothes that fit!

The only time I've posted pictures thus far was a comparison of a year ago to now, but the "now" clothes I were wearing were quite large on me! Thought I'd share a picture of me taken today, after I'd been in an almost 2 hour interview, lunch with a friend and in the car for two (gotta have an excuse, right?!)!


20% GONE!

That's right...because of the 4 pounds I've lost in the last 6 days I finally hit 270.6 pounds this morning, bringing my total percentage of weight loss to 20%! WOW! I've lost a fifth of the person I used to be (and shall be ne'er again)! I love having weight loss weeks like this - it's truly been awhile. But, with my band properly adjusted now, I'm enjoying the scale again! Bring on the 260's!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I'm the champion!!!

Okay, maybe not quite yet...but I just finished Week 2 Day 1 of C25K and I feel so energized! I kicked that run's ASS, and still have two more to go (Tues and Thurs) before progressing to Week 3...which, admittedly, scares me a little. I'm glad to have a buddy like The Shrinking Rini who's also doing C25K...she's a week ahead of me in the workout regimen, but it's nice to save someone ahead of me who's ALSO kicking C25K's ass! Gives me motivation to keep it up! Nothing like a stranger from the internet as your motivation, right? Hell...that's why we're all friends - reading each others' blogs, learning tips and tricks to the LapBand and healthy living. Whenever I find myself lacking motivation or just have an overall "this sucks" moment, I definitely turn to your blogs to read for my own inspiration and courage to continue!

I've been blessed to have so many supportive people in my life. I am very open about the fact that I've had surgery, and yet no one questions why I haven't lost more (to fulfill some weird perception that people may have due to gastric bypass patients losing so much, so quickly). When I choose healthier foods, reduce portion sizes, pass on the carbonated drinks, opt to do a C25K training when I've been the proverbial couch potato my entire life...NO ONE in my life questions me. Instead, I've found motivation in every corner of my life - fellow bloggers, my boyfriend, my bestie/roommate, my friends, family...everyone is 100% supportive. I read stories of those of you who don't have the amazing support that I do - what a shame that is! Surely there are people behind my back criticizing me, right? Yeah...I don't care so much. I know what I'm doing is right for me, and the result I'm seeing so far - not only in weight loss, but in the HEALTHIER LIFE I'm living - is the greatest gift I could give myself as I approach age 30 in just over a month.

So for now? I'm a bona fide champion! I've had the LapBand about 6 and a half months, am just fractions of a pound away from losing 20% of my original body weight and leaving the "Morbidly Obese" BMI category, I drink more water than ever before, my Diet Coke addiction has been gone since 2010 began, my ideal snack nowadays is some crackers and salsa, I'm officially 1/3 of the way through Week 2 of C25K...seriously, this is the healthiest I've been in my adulthood - and it feels SO GOOD!

Liking my new fill...

So I'm at 8.5cc now...and loving it! Over the past few days I've enjoyed eating small quantities of food (bread and crackers included!), not getting stuck, not having chest pains of all...NOT HUNGRY! I've actually had to go off of the doctor's advice of "don't eat if you're not hungry" because I'm barely getting in 1,000 calories a day...and I know my body won't function/lose weight off of so few calories. But seriously? I feel like I'm at the proverbial "sweet spot" because I'm losing weight, eating less (ALL healthy foods, btw), not hungry.

I it. :)

Friday, July 23, 2010

Update: No Job in KY...

Yup, I heard from the lady and it's a no go on the KY job. Bummer! I still have other irons in the fire, but I had hyped myself up for that one after having such a great phone interview on Tuesday. Bottom line? My training here in California doesn't really apply to a state where they have no collective bargaining in my state, each district bargains their own contracts with the teachers who work in them. Much different process for handling issues, violations, etc. While I "show a lot of potential," she's afraid my problem solving skills for their state wouldn't really apply...makes sense.

New layout!

While reading your blogs, I've found some amazing designs, picture usage, etc. that just make my eyes bulge open in awe! I've changed my design again today and added another list to the right - I've been asked recently how many fills I've had and I actually had to read through my blog to find out...figured it might just be easier to keep a running list :).

Couch to 5K week one is complete - week two starts tomorrow! Week two doesn't scare me, but looking at how much I'll be running in week three sure does! I know I can do this, and I'm happy with myself for sticking to the workouts just far. Okay, okay - it's only been three workouts...but, HEY! I haven't quit so far!!

Today I hope to find out that I'm a finalist for the job in Kentucky...she had told me she'd be making calls today, and I sincerely hope that happens! I don't know if I can stand the whole weekend without knowing!!!

Ooo - one more thing? My weight loss today takes me down to a total of 66.6 pounds. SKEERY! For one, it's just an evil number. Two - I'm a huge General Hospital fan, and the evil psycho serial killer has been using "66" as his signature number for the past two weeks...skeery!

Okay. /random blogging.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Thanks everyone!

Thanks to everyone who offered advice yesterday about my doctor and bite sizes...although I've heard the "bites the size of a pencil eraser" before, I'm surely not inclined to live my life that way. I was brought to 8.5cc yesterday (in a 14cc band) and I'm eager to try some solid food here in a couple of hours to see how I handle it. I DO trust the doctor I saw, but if I'm not ready to progress to 9cc when I see him again in 2 weeks, I won't. I got more of a "he believes I can do this" feeling when he said that's what he wanted to do...but the agony of being that tight still lives fresh in my mind. We shall see!

In other news? I added two new lists to my blog page (someday I'll figure out how Joey and others do all the really cool things!): my 10% weight loss goals and my BMI index. I'm excited for a couple of milestones coming very soon to a Joia near you - once I hit 270.6 pounds, I will have dropped 20 freaking percent of the total weight I started with! And once I hit 270? I will no longer be morbidly obese! It's insane to think of myself out of the 270's, but I know they're coming so soon! Honestly, the lowest weight I can remember in my adult years is 274, and that was back in 2008. I'm already below that! This process has absolutely been amazing, and while I read others' blogs and can find myself getting jealous of the weight loss they've had in either a shorter or longer amount of time, I know that the 65.4 pounds I've lost since starting on 12-31-09 is quite a feat! I'm proud of myself, and I know my mommy is too :)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Is my doctor a quack?

For any newcomers, when I go get a fill, I'm heading to a satellite office in my town. Various doctors come on Wed, Thurs and Sat to do fills and check-ups with other LapBand patients. Today I finally saw a doctor I'd seen several times before, whereas the last two times I went I saw newbie doctors. The conversation today started like this...

Doc: So why did you get an unfill?

Me: Because I was too tight and couldn't get any food down.

Doc: Why did you think you were too tight?

Me: Because at 9cc, I was throwing up everything I ate.

Doc: Were you able to get liquids down?

Me: Yeah - beverages, smoothies, etc. no problem - food was the problem.

Doc: Then you weren't too tight - you just weren't taking small bites.

WHAT?! Seriously?! I lived through hell for over a month of barely being able to eat anything with more substance than yogurt because my bites were too big? I swear - I took small bites and chewed, chewed, chewed. I lost virtually no weight in that time frame and instantly went to the office when I got back for an unfill back to 8cc. This doctor today assured me that it was LapBand user error (me) and that 9cc sounds like where I should be at. Ugh.

THE PLAN: Today I was filled up to 8.5cc. He advised the 24 hours of liquids post-fill (normal), and then rescheduled me for two weeks from now (he is in the office every other Wednesday). He says he's taking me back to 9cc at that visit.

I'm skeered. How small are these freakin' bites of food supposed to be?!? Is my doctor crazy?! Veteran bandsters unite...and give me some advice!

C25K...and moving?

Yesterday was quite the interesting day - I've been applying to jobs on the East Coast (ish) in the hope of being hired to work as a staff member for an education association, and to move closer to my boyfriend in West Virginia! While it's a tough decision to leave behind my teaching career, the FFA program and students I've built and become close with, the colleagues I have here throughout California in our teachers association...I know that if I can continue to advance my career AND be with the one I love, that has to take priority in life.

After waiting over a week to hear from Kentucky, where I applied for two jobs, I finally decide to e-mail the two contacts to see what was going on. Lo and behold, one wanted to schedule a phone interview immediately (haven't heard from the other one)! I rocked an hour phone interview yesterday and am now anxiously awaiting Friday to arrive to find out if I'm a finalist for the job...which would lead to an interview next Tuesday with a group of decision makers...keep your fingers crossed for me!

On the weight loss front, I've been sincerely frustrated for two months. Since being at 9cc on May 29th made my weight loss stall due to not eating, the unfill I got a couple of weeks ago when I got home back to 8cc has allowed me to eat like a horse...and, on occasion, I have. As a result, my weight loss is...ugh...less than desirable. I'll be heading to my doctor's office in a hour for another fill - I'm thinking 8.5cc? I just want to be at that "sweet spot," and knowing that I've been there and beyond is torturous because I KNOW I'm close! Here's hoping that 8.5cc will give me the relief and weight loss I've been trying to find for two months!

In other news, yesterday was TUESDAY - if you read the last blog, you know that I had picked Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays for my C25K (Couch to 5K) workout days. I lacked all motivation for this yesterday, as the phone interview and prospect of actually picking up all of my stuff within a few weeks and hauling across country, leaving everything familiar and stable behind, loomed in my brain. BUT, I finally got off my ass and went to the gym to do my W1D2 (Week 1, Day 2) workout on the treadmill. My mind wasn't in the game, but I had downloaded a neat podcast to help me keep track of the walking/jogging intervals - and I did it! The first few jogging intervals seemed to pass quickly, but I sure was ready to be done when my workout ended! I look forward to continuing with this - I quit too easily on myself when it comes to working out, and I tend to make excuses that, in hindsight, make no sense. Day 3 is tomorrow - let's do this!

OH - and I really am amazed at how the body works. After my workout last night I came home to take a shower...even after toweling off, I still felt beads of sweat dripping down my forehead (it wasn't water from the shower, I know). My boyfriend was explaining that, even though I cooled down with a nice shower, my body's core temperature was still pumping...enough to make me continue sweating. I just find that so WEIRD.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Couch to 5K?

Anyone out there tried this? I've never been one for running, but lately I have an urge to become one...can't define it. Perhaps it's hearing about my sister's running club she's in (Army captains are in good shape), or hearing former Biggest Loser winners Michael and Helen talk about how their emotional eating has been replaced with running? Either way, I thought I'd look into this Couch to 5K thing. I've seen it around the LapBand site, on various blogs, etc., but I never knew there was an actual PLAN involved. I just assumed it was a bunch of people conditioning themselves, on their own schedules, to eventually run a 5K (roughly 3 miles).

Well...TONIGHT...while watching TV and contemplating eating even more food today, and realizing I was just bored and was going to subconsciously use food as a substitute for something to do...I found this:

The Couch to 5K Running Plan

WHAT?!? There's a PLAN?!? I could run three miles in six weeks (incidentally, the exact date of my 30th birthday). Ya kidding me? I do really well with plans - when/if I stick to them! This doesn't look too bad...three times a week?! I can swing it. Who doesn't have time for that?

I know, I know...I've always said I haven't worked regular exercise into my LapBand journey thus far, and part of it is because I didn't have a regular plan...and absolutely no accountability. When the scale still moves, why wear yourself out? So - YOU ALL OUT THERE - are my accountability, got it?

Yup - Workout 1 complete. I huffed, I puffed, I'm still sweating, but I completed the entire thing - no cheating! In theory, I'm gonna go for Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays...we'll see how that works out. Wish me luck!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

On track? Sure...

I'm disappointed with my weight loss since the "horrific fill" of May 29th. I recorded weight on May 27th at 282.2 pounds, and am now at 273.8 pounds this morning, a full 7 weeks and 2 days later. That's only a loss of 8.4 pounds. Yes, yes, I know that LapBanders are only expected to lose 1-2 pounds a week. Yes, I realize that losing 8.4 pounds in just a little over 7 weeks falls in that average. But, I know that my weight loss slowed down because of my "horrific fill" and inability to consume food for over a month. Since getting slightly unfilled over a week ago, I've used that as an excuse to chow down - I've had nachos, fast food, etc. - everything that got me into this LapBand fix in the first place. I'm lucky I haven't gained much, but I have been dancing back and forth between the same 2 pounds over the last week. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday to get slightly more fill put in, and I know that will help, but I believe this ultimately needs to come back to me.

Why am I diverting to the foods I shouldn't be eating? Didn't I get enough of those foods in the 29 years of life prior to the LapBand surgery? Just because I know what complete restriction does to my eating ability doesn't mean I need to self-sabotage just because I CAN eat those foods. My goal was to be 250 pounds by my 30th birthday...with 6 weeks to go and 23.8 pounds, I'm going to have to bust ass to lose 4 pounds a week to reach that goal. Yes, I realize it's lofty - but isn't that what goals are for? To be lofty, yet slightly attainable, in order to provide you the motivation to succeed?

Since buying a new laptop in May when my old one went kaput, I've been without my FitDay tracking friend. I tried their free website, but there's something about having the software and data on MY computer that makes me utilize the program more. I buckled down and spent the $29.99 today to get the program back and carefully logged in all of my old weights (thanks to the Ticker Factory site which displays my tickers above, I had a history saved!). I feel better about logging my foods again. It's been cleansing just to really look at what I'm eating. I don't normally make a habit of tracking foods (hasn't been necessary), but I think I really need to refocus myself for a bit. Wish me luck! 24 pounds in 6 weeks is no easy feat!

But if I could be 250 at my 30th birthday? Holy HELL...I don't even remember what that size looks like!

Friday, July 16, 2010

What to do with time off?

After becoming bored of all things Facebook, I needed something to fill my time...other than working on my portfolio for an interview I have in a little over a week. While on the phone with my incredible boyfriend, I exclaimed "I wanna bake!" Baking is a favorite past time of mine, and with a band a little looser than necessary (got the refill appointment scheduled for Wednesday), I knew that baking would only lead to me eating the baked goods incessantly until they were no more.

Solution? I remembered watching "Losing It With Jillian" this week as she helped a family who wanted nothing but to battle her methods (the little girl, Chloe, even CRIED when Jillian threw out her white bread in exchange for whole grain bread). I recalled a fudgy brownie recipe she made with the girls, and remembered that it was available online...ta da! I've got fudge brownies in the oven, can't wait to bite into them...AND they're only 86.2 calories per piece! At that rate? I can eat the whole pan and still not feel too guilty :).

Want the recipe? Click here and bake your own!

Thursday, July 15, 2010


I just discovered a friend's blog about him taking his weight loss on (without surgery) - as a cycling enthusiast, his goal is to lose the size of Lance Armstrong...catchy! While reading through his older posts, I discovered his plan of weight loss - he set mini goals, just like the Grand Tour of Tour de France, each tour representing 10% of his weight loss. As rational as that sounds, I hadn't thought of my weight loss at all that way. There were no "mini-goals" when I set out on this path of LapBand living, although I celebrated getting below 300 pounds, hitting the 50 pound loss mark, etc. I decided to apply his approach to my weight loss, calculating the goals in percentage of body weight, all based on my original weight of 338.2:

Starting Weight: 338.2
10% Loss: 304.3 - achieved on March 14, 2010
20% Loss: 270.6 - almost there!
30% Loss: 236.7
40% Loss: 202.9
Goal of 47% Loss: 180

It's surreal to realize two things with this:

(1) My goal is to lose nearly 50% of my starting weight. Yeesh - I was fat!
(2) I've currently lost 19.3% of my starting weight...WOW! Almost a fifth of the person I started out to be is GONE...forever, I might add (and it only took 6 and a half months!!).

When pictured this way, I have to say that I'm pretty impressed with myself...and stoked to see how this journey progresses!


I'm down 65 pounds. While there's still nearly 100 left to go, it's neat to look at pictures of myself "then" and "now" and realize the transformation that's going on with my body. The conference I just went to in New Orleans (National Education Association's Representative Assembly), I also attended last year in San Diego. Here's me in July 2009:


Here's me in July 2010:


So, see? Lots of work still to go...but I can see the difference and KNOW I feel healthier and better than I did a year ago. Bring on the last 90ish pounds!

Friday, July 9, 2010

My Driver's License Lies...

Yeesh, not even 24 hours since the unfill and I already feel a million times better! Granted, I've been staying on liquid/mushies since the fill, but I've been able to eat without ANY chest pain...that's the first time that's happened in WEEKS! I can't even tell you what a relief this is! I'm going to continue the liquid/mushies until Saturday afternoon, as my doctor prescribed, but I'm looking forward to trying some actual substance food for dinner on Saturday! Wow...I'm so happy!

On the other plus side? I lost over 2 pounds since yesterday! I don't know why I wasn't losing weight over the last few weeks of vacation - I hardly ate, PB'd a lot, etc...and I still came home weighing about what I did when I left. Hopped on the scale this morning, though? I'm finally down to 274! That is officially the lowest weight I can remember being in recent years, and it was the lowest I hit when I did the unhealthy Kimkins diet back in 2008. Soon? I'm going to be smaller than I can remember being in my adulthood! Yippeeeeee!

Another bonus (and I kind of stole this idea from another blogger - amandakiska) - I WEIGH LESS THAN IT SAYS ON MY DRIVER'S LICENSE! When I renewed my driver's license a year ago, I listed "275," knowing that even standing naked on the lightest scale wouldn't put me at 275. At that time? I wasn't weighing myself regularly, but I know I was well over 300 pounds then. Today? At 274? I'm THINNER than my license says! How often does THAT happen? I look forward to every pound I lose, but they're a little more sweet now knowing that each pound I lose puts me that much more under my driver's license weight :).

Thursday, July 8, 2010

1cc Gone...

Let me start with the positive - I had a WONDERFUL vacation with my love at his home in West Virginia, and a blast at the National Education Association's Representative Assembly in New Orleans, Louisiana (and down time there with my love, too!). If you want to see the obligatory vacation pictures, you'll have to add me to Facebook - I'm finally home and realizing that I haven't had much time for blogging, so here's a quick update....

The negative - foods suck. Seriously. I've been so tight (read last post) that food has been unbearable. I drove straight to the doctor's office when I got back into town today and had a full 1cc removed from the 9cc I had, taking me back to the 8cc I had previous to the last fill. The doctor advised me to stay on liquids for the next two days so that the swelling from all my PBing/vomiting can heal...I just want to be able to EAT after these two days of healing!

I was a little leery of having the full cc taken out that was added a month ago - at 8cc's my portions were controlled and I was losing weight, but I was HUNGRY most of the day. I physically couldn't eat enough to satiate my hunger. But, at 9cc's, which I pushed for at my last visit prior to vacation, my band has been TOO full and I can't even manage a couple of small, well chewed bites without PBing. Ugh. So, I'm back to 8cc. We'll see what that does to/for me...I have another appointment scheduled in 3 weeks, but I may head back quicker if I find that 8cc's still leaves me hungry and able to eat larger portions. I'm a little scared that after not eating for weeks because of a "too tight" band, I'm going to gorge out if this unfill opens me up!

One day at a time...

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Despite all of the great times I've been having with my boyfriend while spending time in West Virginia with him, a teeny, tiny bit of me wishes I was home for 20 minutes. I'd rush over to my LapBand doc's office and get a teeny, tiny! Going up to 9cc at my last fill has truly kicked my ass. I PB almost daily (some days more than once), foods in general aren't kind to me, and my weight is maintaining because I'm not getting enough calories in. I finally managed to eat several meals yesterday without PBing, but they took a LONG time to get down and were accompanied by chest pains, standing up to walk, etc. This is ridiculous! I keep joking that I didn't sign up for weight loss by bulimia, and I know that this constant PBing can cause my band to slip...but there's nothing I can do about it!

I head out to New Orleans, Louisiana tomorrow for the week-long National Education Association's Representative Assembly...while there's terrific food in "NOLA," I'm sure I won't be eating much of anything if the last couple of weeks have been any indication. I feel like I'm trapped in my post-surgery time...sticking to mushies and liquids in the hope that I can ingest SOMETHING that my LapBand won't reject. At any rate, it's going to be another couple of weeks before I can get home and see a doctor to take out some of this fill (I was at 8cc prior to this last fill and only PB'd from user error - I think I need to be at 8.5cc instead of the 9cc I'm at now). In a word, though? Miserable. I'm not SO tight that I can't drink liquids, and there are days when food goes down better than others...but this is NOT how I want to be living my daily life.

I suppose I could tolerate all the chest tightness, sliming, PBing, etc. if I were losing weight...but, no. This morning was the first time in the last two weeks of being here that I've seen any weight loss, and I'm attributing it to the fact that I DID eat so much yesterday...must be that my body is starving for calories. Awesome.

Wish me luck in NOLA and with continuing to try to eat! None of the usual tricks to open my band up are helping...and water is even a touch painful to drink in the morning (just had a gulp, felt some tightness as it passed through my digestive system, and remembered to come blog about it!). Oh well. I will survive until I can get back home to a doctor!

Monday, June 14, 2010

All's well...and vacation starts tomorrow!

It was an interesting weekend of eating in Los Angeles following the port ripping horror of Thursday night. Friday? I was able to get food down no problem - I started to worry that I had torn the tube from the port to the band loose and had lost all restriction. I didn't overeat, but the fact that I got down the food I did without problem scared me. But, my band was ready for revenge on Saturday...

Breakfast - Ordered a berry parfait - ate a little over half of it and was done.
Lunch - Got a plate of food from the Mexican buffet we had - a couple bites of refried beans (freakin' refried beans!), I was done.
Dinner - Went to a celebratory steak dinner with my colleagues...the entire meal consisted of a few bites of bread with butter, a couple spoonfuls of soup and a sliver of steak...I was in and out of the bathroom six times PBing it all up...ugh! I did get to smell the apple pie leftovers my friends had. From what they tell me, the meal was super delicious and worth every penny we paid. My leftovers went with a friend - no way was I going to get any of that filet mignon down, obviously.

Sunday wasn't much better. I had a tiny bit of oatmeal for breakfast with no problem, but lunch wasn't going to go down...ended up using my lunch break to walk off the chest pain and didn't have to PB at all (yay!). I ended the day STARVING and stopped for a milkshake on my drive home. At that point? I just needed some freakin' calories in my body. I got home and had a bowl of Tuscany Vegetable Soup (yum!) with no problems...ugh.

Bottom line? I don't want to be at the point where I'm eating and having chest pains, PBing, etc. All of that is bad for me and certainly bad for Ms. LB, my band. If the satellite office here in town for my doctor was open today, I'd consider getting a slight unfill. But, it's not, so I'll have to pack and get movin' on with my three week vacation and pay attention to my body.

On the positive side? Screwdrivers go down just fine...bring on vacation!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Ripped my port...OUCH!

So that was a fun experience last night...I'm in Los Angeles at the Westin Bonaventure hotel right now for the last CTA State Council session of the year. Eating is still tough (I had a half a yogurt yesterday morning before getting too full and putting it back in the fridge), but I'm really learning the art of taking small bites, chewing my food and choosing healthier foods for myself. Having said that, I got to the point last night where I was STARVING and ordered a quesadilla (cheese only) from the room service menu last night...first few bites were tough, ended up PBing a couple times (I know, not good), but then was able to get the majority of the rest down. Weird how PBing opens up the band, eh? Anyone else have that realization?

Side Note: NO, this is not a good way to eat and NO, I don't normally do this.

The weirdest part of last night, though, is that after the hour of eating to get some food in my system, I laid on my stomach on my plush king sized hotel bed and chatted with my boyfriend on the phone. At one point, I pulled myself up out of bed...felt a rip...followed my excruciating burning/tingling in my port area...OWWW! My boyfriend got to hear my pain on the phone. I finished getting up, felt the port to make sure it was still in place (it was). Over the next 15 minutes - don't know if it was my imagination or not - the port area swelled and became numb. BIZARRE. None of this outstanding in general, but especially for me since I'll be heading out of town for over three weeks on Tuesday...argh!

So I decided to sleep on it and see what happened this morning. Much to my happiness? The numb sensation is gone, the swelling is gone, I can still feel the port where it's supposed to be...there's only a little tenderness a couple of inches to the right of the port when I touch it (yeah, I know - don't touch it then!). I posted on the LapBand Talk board last night asking for anyone who's had the experience - to my surprise, it's happened to another person! I'm going to see how the rest of this weekend goes here in Los Angeles, but I think I'll be okay. I will probably give my doctor's office a call anyway to make sure everything's fine...but since I can still feel the port and the initial "shock" of it all is diagnosis is that I ripped some of the scar tissue that holds the port in place. Obviously, I didn't rip ALL of it - my port would be floating around inside mah body if that were the case! I'm sure the scar tissue will reform...just...WEIRD.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Hello 270's!

It's official - I'm in the 270's! Okay, not by much, but I'll celebrate the victory anyway! Being able to say that my weight is in this range doesn't sound NEARLY as huge as 338.2 when I started...not that I'm skinny yet, by any stretch of the imagination, but as the pounds keep tickin' off, I'm seeing the changes in my body and am STOKED about how far I've come! It'd be awesome to drop 1.2 pounds by tomorrow, because then I could say I've lost 60 pounds in 5 months (tomorrow's my surgery monthiversary!)...but either way, I'm damn proud of where I'm at. I set a lofty goal to be 250 by my 30th birthday (Aug. 28th), and I'm really not betting on that to happen. But, I'll keep chippin' away at it and hope it does!

Either way? Being at a 58.8 pound weight loss in roughly five months makes me really believe that I can easily drop 100 pounds total in a year. THAT IS INSANE! Better yet? I'm learning to ignore cravings, eat healthier, get moving a little, is Joia really becoming a HEALTHY person?! Guess there are some pigs flying around somewhere...